Will Paint for Food

I popped into a Starving Artist art sale over the weekend-- y'know, just to keep my finger on the pulse of the Undernourished Illustrator niche-- and I came to realize something very exciting:

I could starve, too!

Yes, indeed, I believe I have finally found a potential market for my beloved painting hobby! Like my still-lifes of four rose heads and three stems...

My wonky shadowing, my trite and unnaturally bent figures...


My one-step-away-from-Elvis-on-velvet, only without the Elvis... or the velvet because that stuff's expensive...


Even my "Moody Blue Pepper Amid Monochrome Eggplant and Artichoke" which symbolizes the isolation that individuals feel when tossed into an urban, hustle-bustle society and...

(Actually, I just wanted to try out my Pthalo Blue.)

...Well, it all has new possibility through this creative community!

All this time, I felt my meager handicrafts should be stacked in the dark basement to be kept watch over by the spiders. (They'll let me know if it floods, communicating through a series of web messages and Morse Code.)

But now, now I see these works of art could be brought to the surface-- the Morloks that they are-- and served up to a ravenous public!


Oh, you should have seen the crowds at the sale, friends! People of every age, swarming the aisles of stacked canvases, surveying the overlooked artistic masterpieces with a keen eye.

Here, a pseudo-European café scene in vivid, expressionist smears of orange, browns and yellows. Clearly communicating the intrigue of foreign delights... and runny egg.

And there, a lighthouse, lonely in the distance, sloping somewhat leftward into a rocky crag, making a statement about time, age, and using a ruler in a hurry.

To the right, a panel reminiscent of Monet's Waterlillies, ideal for those who cannot afford $2.99 for the actual Monet poster, but still want to stir the envy of elite, art-savvy friends...

And to the left, images of the Eiffel Tower, as if plucked from the very easel of a Left Bank Parisienne herself... You could almost smell the fresh baked baguette... the fromage... the, er, Gérard Depardieu.

Yes, these and more were examined, appraised, and considered for their own unique qualities by local connaisseurs of the finer things in life. Like whether they would match the couch...

Whether the lighthouse scene was the right size, or the Van Gogh Starry Night knockoff was more "Them"...

Whether the pink acryllic goddess fresco in marker-outlined profile had enough of a Roman nose to match the Roman spa tub freshly installed.

Yes, it was a day of critical decisions in the art world for my fellow Pittsburghers.

I admit, I left there feeling just a tad overwhelmed. Here, united in one place, was so much hope... soul... potential to tie the whole room together. Well, it left me with a brand new perspective on creative passion and on the brave drive to succeed in spite of the odds...

Also, the percentage of attendees who likely enjoyed lawn gnomes in their yards.

Things to think about, friends. Things to think about.

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Humorbloggers
Humor-blogs

26 comments:

Moooooog35 said...

That first picture looks like a young Bill Clinton.

With angelic wings.

So, yeah..young Bill Clinton.

Jenn Thorson said...

Mooog- Ha-- you know, you're right!

Jaffer said...

Still early in the morning for me - but you pulling my leg by saying that you paint too and you sold a few pieces at an art sale by posting it on your humour blog ?

The roses are beautiful.

Jenn Thorson said...

Jaffer- I do paint, though as you can see, not well. The paintings shown here are mine, but no, I haven't tried to sell any. I was just really amused when I went to this show to find how excited people got over this general style of not-really-accomplished art.

Jaffer said...

Ah ! But you are good. All the best when you do decide to sell !

Unfinished Rambler said...

Why is the Baby Bill Clinton holding up the conch shell to his boob? Is it some sort of allegorical thing that I'm not getting? Maybe Moooog could explain. I know there was a conch shell in Lord of the Flies that meant something...maybe work from there. ;)

Jenn Thorson said...

Jaffer- Ah, you're too sweet. You need new glasses. But you're sweet.

Unfinished Dude- Hm... Maybe he feels the conch shells pain? I actually copied the cherub off of something else, (which probably didn't look much more like a conch shell) so I don't have any bigger symbolism to share. Maybe he was assisting Venus at one point. Cupids did that.

Joel Klebanoff said...

I don't know art (or any people named Art, for that matter), but I like your paintings. I particularly like the roses. The best I'm capable of are stick figures that aren't even recognizable as stick figures.

Before you ask, I don't own any lawn gnomes (or pictures of Elvis on black velvet). I probably still wouldn't own any lawn gnomes if I lived in a house with a yard rather than a condominium without one.

Deray said...

Anyone else sees a young Maculay Culkin in the last one? Awesome hair, by the way, jajajajaja. As usual Jenn, you cracked me up, good start of my day, thanks!

Deray said...

Something else, I don't know about you but I see 4 rose heads and 3 stems in the first still-life painting :-P

Jenn Thorson said...

Joel- Well, the roses give a temporary illusion of being okay... until you really start looking at them and see they are blobs with unnatural shadows. And not True Art Blobs, in an Impressionist way, either. :) I wasn't going to question your Gnome Purchasing Habits. :)

Deray- Macaulay Culkin I can see. And currently that cherub is now home alone. Maybe I'd better check up on him.

And regarding the flower heads-- heh, you caught that about the same time I did. I just proofed the thing and thought, "Wait a minute..." Thanks for the heads-up... literally. :)

Shieldmaiden96 said...

Just putting my dibs right now on anything in the future that you paint that involves Elvis.

Jenn Thorson said...

ShieldMaiden- I'd be wholly new to that particular genre, but should the mood strike, I'll let you know immediately. :)

I suppose I should also make myself available for cat portraits-- another genre of Timeless Taste and Style-- should Seamus wish to ever be immortalized her in craft store acrylics. :)

Janine@Shelf Life said...

Well many celebs collect bad art, like Ellen DeGeneres for example.

So there you go. More possibilities.

Jenn Thorson said...

Janine- Woo-hoo! That's right! I believe it's Dyann Cannon who collects bad clown art. Gosh, the sky's just the limit with this! :)

lifeshighway said...

I would like to commission a garden gnome on black velvet because I am pretty sure gnome-y colors will work in my den.

Leeuna said...

Personally I like the dogs playing poker painted on black velvet rather than the Elvis ones. :)

Srsly, I like the four roses even though the one is stemless. It kinda spoke to me. Good work Jenn.

Me-Me King said...

Wow, Jenn, you are so very talented!!! I absolutely love "Moody Blue Pepper Amid Monochrome Eggplant and Artichoke", I think it's wonderful.

JD at I Do Things said...

Oh, my gosh. You write (well and funnily) and you PAINT too? Get out of here!

I do love the moody blue pepper. Is that the color peppers turn after green and before black?

Clearly the cherub at the top is holding a half-eaten bagel.

Jenn Thorson said...

Life's Highway- Would this be a family portrait, or just random gnomage? :)

Leeuna- Yes, but you also like dogs playing poker. :) Seriously, though, I'm glad you like it even if it is a bit wonky. It was after art class I realized my stem issue.

Me-Me- Ah, thank you kindly. I love the shape of artichokes. They just look like Doctor Seuss food.

JD- Methinks you over-estimate my Skillz here, but thanks. And yes-- that MUST be a bagel. He probably has Philadelphia Brand Cream Cheese on it. Remember those angel ads a few years ago? Angels dig a good nosh. :)

screwdestiny said...

Haha! Your art is much better than anything I could do. I like the first rose painting, too.

Alice said...

Hey - I actually like the black and blue veggie one!

nipsy said...

Its not a shell, its a half eaten donut that you weren't willing to share!!

Alright, so thats my idea early in the morning after only one cup o' joe..

They are cute though...

mr loser said...

Funny and too true. The locals have gotten me to submit some #2 hack-a-ramas into a few shows -- including one of Pittburgh's favorite #7 as, ah, the Jesus of Suburbia (apologies to Green Day). It's silly fun seeing your own idiocy on an art gallery's walls. Glad I found your site. Keep writing, I'll be reading.

Jenn Thorson said...

ScrewDestiny- Heh, thanks. It's a fun outlet, anyway, even if it does still need work.

Alice- The trick is to choose your veggies carefully... preferably something you have no desire to eat. :)

Nipsy- A half-eaten doughnut, you say... actually, yes. That DOES sound like me. Mmmm.... doughy!

Mr. Loser- That sounds pretty entertaining, actually! I appreciate the quirky take on art. Thanks for stopping by!

mutuelle smam said...

hey im surprised by your paintings. its full of expression..