The Snow Removal High Impact Workout

Now, in just four sets of 10 to 45 minutes a day, you can shape up... slim down... and pinch sciatic nerves like never before!

Welcome to the Snow Removal High Impact Workout!

How do you do it? It's simple!..

Just grab our specially-designed ergonomic snow relocation device and push, push, push your way to rock-hard abs...

Stronger, sexier arms...

And smoother skin, exfoliated the natural way-- through rock salt abrasion and 60-mile-per-hour winds!

Unlike other workouts, where one boring session is supposed to burn calories for the whole day, with the Snow Removal High Impact Workout, you get an exhilarating exercise session up to four or more times a day!

Before work....

Before you hop in your car for lunchtime errands....

Back in the car for the commute home...

And before you settle in for the evening!

Yes, with the Snow Removal High Impact Workout, you'll be sweeping, sweating, and shoveling your way to the cut body you'd always dreamed of.

It's the perfect way to fulfill all those New Year's Resolutions to lose weight, look great, and not get sued by fallen pedestrians.

Plus, the Snow Removal High Impact Workout comes with this easy-to-understand instructional video starring renowned fitness trainer Maxie Gluteus, who not only has helped thousands lose weight using this unique method, but her signature unnatural tan makes her easy to locate in a snow bank!

So why wait? Those walks won't shovel themselves. That car can't look like a snowdrift forever. Don't hibernate! Liberate! Order your Snow Removal High Impact Workout in 16 easy payments of $19.95 today!

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23 comments:

Joel Klebanoff said...

Thanks for this excellent workout suggestion. Unfortunately, I live in a condominium. My condo maintenance fees pay for someone else to get this excellent workout for me.

I guess Maxie is going to have to find another way to help me take some poundage off my butt and elsewhere.

Jenn Thorson said...

Joel- Well, maybe Maxie would be willing to act as personal trainer in a non-snow-related capacity. I hear she's tough. That's why she scowls 24/7; I heard her say it works for Jillian Michaels. :)

Joel Klebanoff said...

Jenn - She scowls 24/7? I think I dated her once. Did she used to go by another name?

Unfinished Rambler said...

And very timely since we just had snow last night...

...I'm going to go try it out. Can't wait to pinch my sciatic nerve. Yay!!!!! Thanks, Jenn Thorson (wink and thumbs up to camera 1).

Jenn Thorson said...

UnfinishedDude- If you all are getting the weather we are, you're probably having snow, oh, two, three times a day. Nothing much at a time, but annoying. Even our one weatherman has been expressing frustration.

Nice shot there with camera one, by the way-- that's a keeper! :)

Beer Drinker said...

My boss seriously does this workout in Colorado. No kidding. And brags about how great it was.

I laugh at him when we hang up the phone. No snow in Miami!

madtexter (corey james) said...

WOW! Only 16 easy payments of $19.95! At that price it MUST work. I'm gonna order today. Will you throw in an extra workout program if I call within the next 10 minutes?

I bet Gilad Janklowicz ain't happy about this breakthrough workout program.

TJ Lubrano said...

I want one! I want one!

Oeh! is it also possible to throw yourself on the ground, wait for the next 60-mile-per-hour winds and roll around for a while? I can't wait to start...the snow was gone, but decided yesterday to come back...I have this feeling that it came back only for me to try out this exercise ^_^!

Jenn Thorson said...

Joel- You'll have to ask her over soy cocoa and tofu balls. :)

Beer Drinker- Heh- does your boss also enjoy energy drinks from GNC? You know, you Florida people are also kinda entertaining when it snows there. I recall being in Orlando once during a little ice and flurries, and people were calling into the radio station recommending scraping your windshield with credit cards. :)

MadTexter- Sure! It will of course be the same workout video you already bought, and you'll have to pay shipping and handling and processing charges, but what a deal!

TJ- Are you recommending the Snow Angel Workout? :)

TJ Lubrano said...

Yes! Exactly! The S.A.W exercise can be a huge hit ^_^! Maybe combined with Snow Removal High Impact Workout...

WOW! that is the ultimate exercise powercombo right there!

ReformingGeek said...

But wait. There's more. For an additional $4.95, we will send you a traction device for that broken back.


Yeah. Sign me up.

It's so cold here that it might as well snow.

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

If this is true then I want it to snow a lot up here in the North... a lot...so I can shovel, shovel, shovel and burn my fat butt off!

Deray said...

Does the program includes the snow for those of us who live in Tucson?

Jenn Thorson said...

TJ- I feel thinner already!

Reforming Geek- I can imagine... I know my dad's been saying it's freezing in Florida and I believe you are, proportionately, a bit farther north.

Lisa- It's not all you'd hope for. And my butt is still there. I must be doing it wrong. :)

Deray- Yes, you can come visit me for a few days-- and in between nice cups of cocoa, you can start your High Impact Workout.

Berowne said...

Raised in southern California, then repositioned to New England, it was quite a surprise to occasionally find three or four feet of this ice-cold white stuff covering everything -- and somehow, though it had never been mentioned in the small print, I was expected to get out there and shovel it away.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

I'd love to order the device, but then my Teen wouldn't have anything to do.

Blondie ~ Vintage Primitives said...

Found this through surfing. I think I am already hooked. Thanks for the smiles.

Melanie said...

I acually have this excellent workout program and I'm willing to share with any of you deprived folk who have no snow.

Mr. Knucklehead said...

I am SO glad I don't have to deal with snow anymore.

screwdestiny said...

Lol! This would be relevant to me, as I live in Wyoming and we get a decent amount of snow, but fortunately I have covered parking, and we live in a townhome so we only have a small space to shovel in front of our house. Doesn't sound much fun anyway. I think I'll stick to Zumba. ;)

Jenn Thorson said...

Berowne- Agh! Talk about culture shock! Someone needed to brief you before the move, so you had time to back out properly!

Meg- Well, sure, you see, having Teen actually eliminates the need for such things. Though in the long run Teens are more costly than the installments of $19.95. :)

Blondie- Delighted!

Melanie- You are generous to a fault, my friend! I believe, based on this morning, that the next video will be the Ice Chipping Abmasters Workout.

Knucklehead- Ah yes, because Jersey has taken a BIG hit in recent years with the snow. You've got the opposite thing going of Berowne up there. Lucky duck!

Screwdestiny- Well, ya know, this workout isn't for everyone. :) But Wyoming-- yes, you might all look like that Before picture for much of the winter. :)

Surfie said...

Yet another reason I'm glad to be a Southern Girl, slightly fluffy though I may be. :) After that 4 times daily workout, I'd feel the need to compensate for the burned calories and reward myself for all that work with lots of pastries and other sweet-tooth satisfying baked goods.

Jenn Thorson said...

Surfie- I like your thinking-- I will make sure to enjoy some baked goods in your honor after this next torturous snow moving... er... workout. WORKOUT. :)