The Internet's All-Purpose, Completely Generic Yet Pithy Tips Post

Tips posts... Everyone loves 'em. The whole Interwebby world is out there looking for advice! But the problem with other tips posts are, they've mistakenly tailored themselves to actual subject matter--

Ha! Can you believe that? Bloggers actually taking rehashed common sense and applying it to a specific situation... Making you have to search all over the Internet Highway for the mediocre advice from complete strangers that you require!

Well, no more! Now there's the Internet's only post that gives you invaluable, completely vague and cliched tips older than your grandmother's girdle, which you can apply to virtually any situation no matter what the topic!

Relationship problems? These are your tips! Blogging questions? These are your tips! Looking to learn how to milk a miniature goat?...

We got your tips right here!

Once you read these tips, you'll return to them again and again, for all your future non-specific, pseudo-wisdom needs!

Okay, do you have your problem topic in mind? Great! Then let's go!

  • Examine the situation from the point of view of the other party/s involved. If necessary, use mirrors or analytical tools. Either change, or don't change something, depending on what you discover.
  • Remember to be true to yourself. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. Unless you really, really have to. Or take a break and try again.
  • A little time and trouble up front will be appreciated later by you, or maybe someone else.
  • Connect with others who have faced your challenges. Find a group or organization and ask questions, unless it is a mime troupe. Because that is a waste of time.
  • Substitute olive oil.
  • Take it one step at a time. Break it into parts. (Unless breaking it into parts would turn it into kindling. In which case: don't.)
  • Don't get discouraged if you don't see results right away! Remember, anything worthwhile isn't instant. This includes both coffee and karma.
  • Make a list of what you want to accomplish. Then check it off, one by one as it's completed, unless the problem includes a lack of writing utensils.
  • Believe you can. Even if you'll never, ever, ever manage it because you're such a loser.
  • Always remember, practice makes perfect. And if it doesn't, just shut up about it. No one needs to know.

There! Don't you feel more informed? More enlightened? More On The Right Path?

I knew you would! Care to share what the Internet's All-Purpose, Completely Generic Yet Pithy Tips Post has helped you solve? We'd love to hear it!



DeadRooster said...

You just helped me to avert a nuclear disaster that would've left the tiny town of Happiness, CA a smoking hole.

Thanks, Jenn!

Jenn Thorson said...

DeadRooster- Eating too many of those Lava Sauce Tacos again and finally caused a dangerous eruption, eh? :)

The Mother said...

Excellent tips. Especially in our feel-good, over analyzed society.

How about one more?

If all else fails, substitute a self-help manual and a tort lawyer.

Daisy said...

I am going to print these tips out and put them on the refrigerator. Then I will be prepared for every situation.

I recently saw a post on a "Make Money Online" blog that told me I should not TRY to make money, I must DO it. Now I know exactly what I have been doing wrong.

Shawn said...

THANK YOU! I thought I would never find a way to get rid of this rash.

Jenn Thorson said...

Mother- I think you have something there. Does your tort lawyer do Saturday hours? :)

Daisy- You bright feline you!, you have pinpointed just the sort of make money online post that you'll NEVER have to bother with again, now that you have these helpful tips on your fridge.

PS- I have YOUR Hallmark card in my office. My coworkers think it's hysterical. :)

Shawn- So glad to help rid you of that itch! I bet it was the olive oil that did it, right? It was the olive oil? :)

Shawn said...

No, actually, it was finally getting away from that mime troupe. Who knew?

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

Jenn, that was a wonderful, life-changing post. I now know where I should hide the body.

Thank you SO MUCH!

Jenn Thorson said...

Shawn- Ah, that would do it! Glad you're all out of mime.

Chris- Hey, just doing what I can for folks in need. Just remember, if there's a trial, we never spoke about this.

Frank Lee MeiDere said...

Truly great. These bloody, pointless, and generic gems of advice are a pollutant in the cybersphere. I think my favourite was "substitute olive oil." But it's a tough call.

Jenn Thorson said...

Frank- The olive oil is key. :)

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

I'm throwing away the Prozac and the Thorazine because I don't need them anymore! Thanks, Jenn! Yes, thank you, too, Jenn! We both thank you! Me, too! Shut up, Beelzebub! No, Jenn likes me, too, and I'll thank her if I feel like it! Beelz, I swear I'm going to kill you if you don't shut up! No, you shut up! Hey, guys, we're going to scare her! What? What? Yes, you're right. (In unison) Thanks, Jenn!

ReformingGeek said...

Wow! Thanks, Jenn. I can now go to my next BA (Bloggers Anonymous) meeting with more confidence or with a stick of dynamite. I'm not sure which.

I love my list. I do something and then I put it on the list and cross it off. Yea me!

Jenn Thorson said...

Mike and... Mike-- You know I like you both equally, so quit fighting. Do you want me to separate you two? Do you? No? Well, then... Mike, take your Thorazine and Prozac. And you too, Mike. I WILL turn this blog around.

ReformingGeek- I'd say reread step one with that-- "Examine the situation from the point of view of the other party/s involved." Would they enjoy being blown up by a stick of dynamite? If so, then might I suggest you wear protective gear. Also, here is the number for 9-1-1...

kathcom said...

Thank you! Now I don't need astrology anymore!

Jenn Thorson said...

Kath- You know, I saw that in the stars!

Skye said...

Ah yes, take a break, I think I'll have to try that sometime! But where do I start with the break? Hmmmm somedays I know exactly who, I mean what needs to break, yes, I do believe I'll start there with the break :D

Babs-beetle said...

" , ." , ! , . !!!

I mimed ;)

Babs-beetle said...

Poo! All the spaces disappeared!

Jenn Thorson said...

Skye- It's always good to start with the break-- that way you never begin unrefreshed. :)

Babs- Oh, I recognized it right away-- it was "woman trapped in a comment box" right? :)