Posted by Jenn Thorson at 7:00 AM Labels: does it really do that?, flo, kdka, progressive insurance, slapchop, vince
Oh Vince... I thought we knew ya. I thought that you, our fast-talking, gleaming beacon to kitchen convenience had our best interests at heart.
I assured my friends the quick, misleading cuts of the camera were only because the camera guy didn't load enough film.
I felt, deep in my soul, our garlic would peel itself...
Our salsa would say olé!...
I thought for certain we would "love your nuts."
What happened, Vince?
Ah, but we know the answer, don't we?
It all started with Flo, the effervescent Progressive Insurance salesgirl with the big, tricked-out nametag. She broke things off with Vince in order to see Charles Dyson, the king of cyclonic suction action.
Then Vince was left with loneliness, some inner rage, and an unpleasant little incident involving a lady of the evening which made it into the police files.
Now Flo has moved on, having fallen big for the lead singer of the FreeCreditReport.com ads. She has a thing for musicians...
Somehow I don't think it's going to last.
But Vince... Vince is left with ink-stained fingers, a minced heart, and a SlapChop that chips off little bits of plastic into our foods.
So someone has to say it: it's time to cut your losses, Vince-- but a bit more sharply than the SlapChop chops unskinned tomatoes.
Yes, it's time to pick up those broken pieces of your heart-- and the jagged shards of the SlapChop plastic blade guard-- and move on.
Your inner pain is now beginning to affect us all.
I hear the Snuggie could use a plug man.