Pirate Office Pranks


"Pirate office pranks." That was a search term used to reach Cabbages. And so, not sure just what that would entail, I decided to enlist the help of-- nooo, not of one of these newfangled Somali pirates causing all the recent ruckus-- but a real 17th century pirate.

A pirate known for his whimsical nature, duplicitous plans, slurring speech, quick wit with a one-liner, and dashing (if somewhat unhygienic) good looks...

Only he was totally booked solid for a hanging.

So instead, I grabbed the first filthy, toothless seadog with a hat plume I could find.

With that, please welcome Cap'n Tom "Where's Me Orange Gone?" Scurvvy. Take it away, Cap'n Tom!...

Thank yer. Here on the Faithless Wench, we needs the occasional pranke te keeps the crew's morale up. An' so here are some o' me favorite shipboard prankes o'er the years...


Why, I remember the time Dodgy Joe replaced the metal anchor with a well-carved wooden one. So when I shouts "weigh anchor," ol' Stinky Smith lifts too high and went straight te Davy Jones' Locker...

We miss ol' Stinky, we do. Could play the accordian like a 12-fingered angel. But we has to wonder, what dry-rotted brain applies fer a sailing job when he don't swims? I ask ye.


Then there was when we steals Mad Andy's pegleg while he was sleeping like a babe, an' we infestes it with termites. Aye, ya never seen a man running about so crazed. Says he woke up te the sounds o' infernal chewin' and couldn't get it out o' his head all the day through. The men and me, o' course, told him we heard not a sound. I guess Mad Andy saw something was amiss by noon when one leg was more'n a mite shorter than the udder.

Ah, hows we laughs and laughs o' that one!


And the day Squinky-Eye Tucker exchanged Harry Hook's hook-hand for a soup ladle? He went to scratche his nether-regions and was in fer such a surprise, he was! The soup tasted a tad funny that night, I recall.

Or what of the day Nimble Tim, he climbes up the mast and exchanges yon Jolly Roger for a sampler o' a bright yellow smiling circle with the words, "Hug Me" stiched inta it? Why, we must o' been flyin' them colors for days...

No wonders Cap'n Gregory Greybeard was laughing so hard when we rans into him and his crew off the coast!


But me favorite joke on me mates was when I gots me some rotting meat and I attaches it to me face like so, and pretends to come down with a case o' the leprosy...

Ye should have been to see the looks 'o fear on theire faces!... Scrambling about and a-wailing like wee moppets, aye! Blind Pete soils himselves, and Nervous Nick leaps off port-side, only t'get eaten by sharkes.

Three o'the men decides then to mutiny, saying "Ye's not right in the head te commande." But then I reveals te them, "Looke, it's just a bit o' rotten meat, see?" And we laughs an' laughs.

O' course, I still made 'em walk the planke fer the mutiny. Can't be too careful, aye.

Is there anything else ye want t'knowe, lassie? Like me to show ya me cannon?

Erm, so thank you, Cap'n Tom Scurvvy-- and there we have it, good Google visitor! There are the answers to the kinds of pranks pirates do during a slow day at the office.

At Cabbages, we are only here to serve.

Arrrrggggh!

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20 comments:

Da Old Man said...

AHHHRRRGGGHH! Now we know how they keep Roger so Jolly.

Jenn Thorson said...

Da Old Man- Well, the Low-Level-Depression Roger just doesn't have the same sort of oomph to it. :)

moooooog35 said...

Makes that whole 'pirate hostage' thing in Somalia seem a little less tense, doesn't it?

Jenn Thorson said...

Moog- I don't suspect the Somali pirates will be finding the fun anytime soon, either.

Venom said...

Send in Jack Sparrow

Jenn Thorson said...

Venom- Oh, if only! :)

Me-Me King said...

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me!

Shawn said...

I'm pretty sure I read about Nimble Tim's Jolly Roger switcharoo in my 7th Grade history book.

There were a lot of weird things in that book, come to think of it...

Jenn Thorson said...

Margo- I can totally see you out there, a-swashing and a-buckling, too! :)

Shawn- Ah yes, Nimble Jim's exploits were infamous, all the world over. And aye, he was very tidy with his crossstich as well!

BNS said...

About that thar cannon that he wanted to show ya. D'ya think he meant cannon as in boom-boom cannon??

Greg said...

OMG!!! Thorson for the Win!!

You scare me with your talent sometimes, dear. How do you only have half-a-dozen blogs and not a whole TV show yet?

Thanks for the laughs. Hope you had a peep-y Easter.

Jenn Thorson said...

BNS- Well-- he IS a pirate so.... er, no. :) Unfortunately, he was also not your Jack Sparrow type. So... I thanked him for the interview, gave him a few bob for some pints of grog and left... quickly.

Greg- Oh, gosh, I don't know I thought this particular post was all that great, but thanks! I mostly enjoyed talking in a cheeky pirate voice and making up pirate names. :)

JD said...

good to see you're as funny as ever.

Waldo said...

Ladle your way to freedom mates!

Jenn Thorson said...

JD- I don't know how to respond to that one other than "thanks!" :)

Waldo- Arrgh! Soup strainers and tongs next, me hearties!

Margo said...

You set the scene so well, I can practically smell the likka and the bo :)

Vince said...

Wow! Great post! I wonder if the Somali pirates do these pranks on each other. Haha! That would be fun! Will share this with friends.

www.MotivatedMonkey.com

Jenn Thorson said...

Margo- Aye, grab a mug o' grog, lassie, and a toast te yer health! :)

Vince- I somehow suspect not. These modern day pirates do not so much have a sense of whimsy.

mutuelles said...

Now we know how they keep Roger so Jolly.

mutuelle smam said...

the scene is well done. i just close my eyes to visualised it;)