Entertainment Nanosecond's Gen Y Adventure Films of 2025

I was watching the movie Stand By Me the other night, where four kids in the 50s go in search of the missing body of a teen from their school.

And it took me back to being ten, and how my friend Susie and I used to find dead bodies all the time, and bring them back home and--

Oh, wait, no. Sorry. Wrong recording.

(Rewind. Press play.)

--How my friend Susie and I used to do all sorts of dangerous-fool things all the time, like play down by the railroad tracks where the crazy winos lurked...

Or drink canteens of polluted Jersey river water after a thirsty day of roaming through the woods alone with no way to call our moms...

Or get nose bleeds and mop up the blood with skunk cabbage leaves rather than go back home for tissues that actually didn't reek like Satan's undercarriage...

Stuff like that.

Yup, even in the 80s, we had a certain amount of freedom from the Parental Order of Juvenile Analysis and Nitpickery. Freedom to do stupid crap that would get us really injured or potentially kidnapped.

And we loved it.

It forms the basis for many a good tale.

So that got me thinking: what kind of stories will our most protected, connected generation to date-- Gen Y-- tell by way of nostalgic adventure?

Maybe something like this...

It's 2025. In your handheld, you've accessed Entertainment Nanosecond, the hottest online film and television venue, detailing every moment of every half hour a celeb is actually popular.

And here's this half-hour's 2025 Top Adventure Films by Gen Y Filmmakers of All Time for the Next 30 Minutes Maybe:

  • Inside the Inside of the Inner World of Azeroth. Alone, pursued by orcs, low on supplies, and potential carriers of plague, two heroes face incredible dangers in a mystical realm. Then Justin and Reed log off of World of Warcraft 3000.

  • Goonies Revisited. In this exciting remake of a remake of the 1985 film, young Mike Walsh steals his dad's PDA only to find a previously-undiscovered Easter egg facility on it bearing a Spanish map and clues to pirate treasure. He and his friends discuss what they would do in search of this treasure, if they could actually get a lift in the mini-van from one of their moms, to investigate.

  • That Ming is Mine. Five high-tech thieves plot to steal a priceless Asian vase, and win the grand prize associated with this catburglary-based reality show. But what happens when each burglar expects to have the starring role?

  • As the Eagle Flies- Action star Will Smith, Jr. unknowingly takes on a corrupt government when he becomes witness to a U.S. authorized assassination. He must flee from dangerous federal agents-- and his patriotic mother-- both of whom have secretly implanted GPS tracking into him.

  • New-New York Brown and the Lost City of Bowled. Fighting angry natives, diabolical enemies and public transit snags, urban archaeologist New-New York Brown goes in search of the fabled abandoned bowling alley of Brooklyn.

  • Point Bruise. In this subtle adaptation of the original Point Break, extreme sports, surfing, and criminal investigation come together as FBI agent and adrenaline junkie Johnny Montana balances his life, his caseload, and 200 pounds of required safety gear.

So what do you folks think we might see in our swash-buckling futures?

(No, no, put a safety blade on that scimitar, please... also a warning label... someone could get hurt, you know.)



Shawn said...

I can't wait to enjoy Goonies Revisited at my local AMC-Green with some rice cakes and a Diet water from the concession stand.

Jenn Thorson said...

Shawn- Sounds like a rip-roarin' good time!

Just make sure you bring your iPod headset and your handheld gaming unit with you, so that way you don't get bored for the 30 seconds in between sitting down and the show starting.

Anonymous said...

Goonies is one of my all-time favourite movies. I'm all over the Revisited version.

I'd also love to see Pirates of the Milky Way. Our pirate friends are in a race across the galaxy to find the hidden treasure which will grant them eternal life and riches.

Chris said...

How about: Almost Virtually Famous. An unpopular teenager invites three of his buddies over and they fantasize all day about their make-believe Rock Band band "The Cybergeeks".

Jenn Thorson said...

Unicorns- I think you might find yourself a tad disappointed in the Revisited version... 2 hours of waiting for mom to drive them in the mini-van, well, it might not be worth your hard-earned cash. :)

Chris- I do believe you have the spirit of our future right there! :)

The Mother said...

The Goonies disclaimer is hilarious! No one ever thinks about the long-term effects of superhero antics, like having to have your shoulder injected with cortisone or your knee replaced after getting tackled by the hordes.

Jenn Thorson said...

The Mother- Sure, I mean, how many characters aside from Superman are nigh-invulnerable? We've got to protect our upcoming generation of heroes...

Next? To the Batmobile-- with child safety seats! :)

ReformingGeek said...

How about Caitlyn DeTechnitizes, a Reality TV show? "Caitlyn tries to cope with actually speaking to other people to develop relationships."

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

If Susan Boyle gets into a relationship one day we might see a reality show called: Boyle's Been Kissed.

Melanie said...

How about "The Goonies Grown Up". They refuse to let their children ride bikes without helmets and then only on approved biking paths. And the now adult Goonies are now taking cortisone shots to the shoulder and having kneee replacements and working 80 hr weeks to buy the latest techie gadgets for their kids instead of letting them build their own gadgets.

It's so sad the way kids are coddled today. I let mine run as wild as I did, and know what? They've all grown up with all their limbs intact and only one concussion.

Da Old Man said...

In 2025, octogenarian Chuck Norris will remake every Rocky, Conan, Die Hard, Terminator, Raider's of the Lost Ark, and Porky's movie. Each will be just 12 minutes long, and loaded with extra awesome.


Jenn Thorson said...

Reforming Geek- Oh poor Caitlyn! Not... actually TALKING to people! No headphones? No video game?

Prefers- The way things are going, that show might be reality a lot sooner than 2025! :)

Melanie- I know-- I suppose they don't know what they're missing out on, but it does seem they're entertained every second of the day and yet don't really get a chance to do anything. Not their faults, obviously- but I think they're missing out on one of the elements I thought was best about being a kid.

Da Old Man- I'm totally with you on the ten minute remakes. But I don't know if it wouldn't be a case of "Chuck Norris"? Who's he?

Did I just blaspheme? :)

JD at I Do Things said...

I do feel kinda sorry for the children of today. We really knew how to PLAY when I was a kid, when the biggest fear I ever had was having to get a tetanus shot from stepping on a rusty nail.

Jenn Thorson said...

JD- Oh, and we were ALWAYS stepping on rusty nails or glass or something. But how many of us got lockjaw or worse?

Not to mention the lead paint in everything and sitting in our parents' cars not in a car seat!

Mike said...

Even if it all changed right now back to the way it was, the kids of today are just too fat to walk more than 10 feet at a time.

Some adventure to the end of your driveway.

Lisa (Jonny's Mommy) said...

Mike's comment...so accurate. Any movie having to do with some kids playing video games would work for 2025, I'm sure.

I loved the Goonies. Until someone told me I looked like the fat kid. Now I hate it. :-)

Jenn Thorson said...

Mike- Oh, you speak sooth, sadly. Somewhere between today's fast-food chunkiness and eating disorders, there lies our adventuring childhood.

Lisa- You know, I saw the Goonies only after college, so I think I just couldn't appreciate it the way I would have if I'd seen it when I was, say, eight.

Skye said...

Reality T.V. for 2025, hmmmm, let me think! How about kids forgetting they're playing video games and take it to the real world? Oops, nope, that was already an episode on CSI: New York, or was it Miami? Yep, it was indeed Miami, where kids were robbing banks, injuring and killing people all for the sake of taking a video game out onto the streets.

A better movie would have something to do with trying to figure out how to keep the space program going after aliens have quaranteened our planet for being inept murdering idiots (due to our insistance of propagating unnecessary wars) that aren't safe to join the galactic federation.