From ShamWow! and SlapChop to the Snuggie and OxyClean, there's an As-Seen-On-TV product for virtually everyone...
Well, not quite everyone... until now! Yes, finally-- the line of helpful, effective, and time-saving products that undead and supernatural consumers have been waiting for! A family of items tailored specifically to the needs of the not-quite-living. Being inhuman and evil incarnate has never been so beautiful!
Wair. Are you a werewolf ashamed of all that unnecessary body hair? Is fur just too Old School Stylin' for your fashion-conscious wolfpack these days? Now you can be silky-smooth-- and more aerodynamic when chasing victims-- with Wair, depilatory made specifically for werewolves. Comes in super-economy sizes for that sexy, all-over hair-free feeling!
DracNav. You're a vampire leading an active social life. You like to travel-- take in new castles, or hit that hot new club. But how many times have you been nearly flambeed because you accidentally walked onto consecrated ground? Ouch!
But now there's DracNav, the world's only personal GPS-based detector for santified spaces. DracNav fits comfortably in the ear, so it's handy no matter how far from your coffin you fly. Never get lost on holy ground again! And with its new super-sonic hearing device capabilites, you'll detect angry villagers with torches a mile away. Talk about convenience!
OxyShroud. So you're a mummy... You've been wearing the same old rags for 6,000 years. And you do everything in them-- stalk archaeologists, suck the life out of disbelievers, chase away cats... You're undead on-the-go!
So how do you keep those rags of yours sparkling clean? It's easy with OxyShroud! This unique steam-cleaning kit uses the power of oxygen, to clean those rags and get them their whitest. Plus, OxyShroud's special system allows you to keep the rags on while you clean, so you'll never disintegrate to dust from a full exposure to air.
Safe4Silver. You love jewelry, but how do you know it's safe to wear, now that you've become a werewolf? Well, Safe4Silver will test your jewelry to check for silver content. Simply send your jewelry in our easy-to-claw-shut Safe4Silver pre-paid envelope. Pieces we discover contain silver, we buy direct from you. Then we'll return-mail you the rest-- (less the cost of shipping and handling)-- along with your cash. Avoiding nasty silver burns and potential death has never been easier... and more financially savvy!
ShedEgg. Living in the Black Lagoon can leave your skin rough and scaly. But with the new ShedEgg, you can remove years of those unshed skin layers, to uncover that beautiful tadpole-like glow you remember.
(Thanks to my witty friends Shirley and Scoobie for helping inspire this post!)
And while you're here, tell me folks-- if you had your druthers, what would you rather be-- a werewolf or a vampire? (Or other.) It always makes for an interesting discussion. :)