Let's face it, it's grim out there. People's inner rage has gone outer... We're watching our 401Ks erode into high-end bubble-gum money... Our peanut butter jars now come with nuclear contamination symbols on them... And David Caruso still seems to have a career.
But at Of Cabbages and Kings, we like to think on the bright side-- mainly so our cabbage mascot up there doesn't try to commit slaw off some high building. (He's working through some things.)
So today, picking up where the Bud Light "Real American Heroes" theme left off, I'd like to highlight just a few of the people out there who have gone unrecognized. The little-considered taskmasters who quietly, thanklessly impact our daily lives. Yes, today we will celebrate the underrated professionals in this world that make life just that much sunnier.
Let's give 'em a hand, shall we?
- The person who puts the inspection stickers on clothes. Thank you, "Inspector 15- Jane", for making sure my t-shirt today is soft, well-seamed, and color-fast. At the end of the day, when I am not orange, I have you to thank.
- The guy who changes the numbers on gas station signs. Laughing in the face of arm and neck strain, dangerously high winds, rain and snow-- you, gas station guy, use the metal pole of precision so we know the latest prices, and make the best gasoline decisions for our money.
- The guy who invented the shape of the so-tubular Pringle. Oh, designer of edibles, you calculated the perfect way potato molecules could be reformed into crunchy stackable snack nirvana, giving birth to a whole new artform for crisps technology. This crunch is for you.
- The person who puts those twisty ties in toy packaging. Barbie has reached little Suzie's hands safe and well-coiffed, thanks to your dedication to doll safety. Yes, we spend 20 minutes trying to get those ties off, but that is more a testament to your rigorous standards and our hurried, impatient society, than the importance of your job. Cheers to you, my friend!
- Who put the "bop" in the "bop-shoo-bop-shoo-bop." We never did find this out, and it's been decades now. But we know many a baby has been brought back due to your efforts, oh Wizard of the "Ramma-Lamma-Ding-Dong." You have a higher success rate for relationship repair than Dr. Phil. Well done, I say!
- Singer of bad jingles for cable business advertising. You knew when you first heard it, that the GoodFeet Store song would never win you a Grammy. Yet you, Singer of Questionable Verse, still gave it your all. It takes rock-hard self-esteem to proudly sing of arch support. Here we give you the applause you rightly deserve.
- The person who slaps the stickers on individual pieces of fruit. The phrase "apples to apples" means nothing to you, fine Fruit Label Sticker-Onner. You know the difference between a Pinata 3435 and an Ambrosia 3438 and you make it mean something. Self-checkout would elude the casual fruit purchaser were it not for your work. You have given us the gift of time.
Who do you feel has earned a place among these workforce giants? There's no better time than now to praise their efforts, and let 'em know you care!
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36 comments:
Let's hear it for the guy who picks up our garbage every week!
Paul
And the guy who invented the belt. Who wants to wear suspenders all day?
Paul- Especially on bulk trash day, when I've seen them fling a full Lazy-boy recliner in there effortlessly. I salute them!
Walter- Absolutely. Keeping pants from sagging to parts unknown has made the world a better place indeed. Belt Inventor Guy, we praise you!
How about the unsung failed actors of children's tv programming? Everyday they wake up and resist the urge to end it all, even though pretending to not know who Polkaroo really is every single morning must be enough to make a crack pipe look mighty tasty.
Fox-Hater- Ah, yes... Working with gooey kids, acting in giant plush suits, balancing big animal heads on their shoulders... Indeed. It is an under-appreciated artform!
I barely eat enough fruit as it is. Without those little stickers, I would be lost at the register. My store sells 20 different kinds of apples people! How would I know which one without the sticker-onners? I tip my hat to them. CHOMP!
Kathy- Precisely-- and to our eyes, these apples look mostly the same. We wouldn't know our Fuji from our Macintosh if it weren't from these folks!
How about a personal shout out to every caring person who has ever taken the time to inquire "Hot enough for ya?" Thanks, guys, for being so concerned about my personal comfort. Oh and you're right, we do need the rain. Thanks for pointing that out, every time it rains.
My favorite is Mr. White Tube Sock Seller Guy.
12 pairs of socks for 6 bucks? He does not get the love he deserves.
BTW, suspenders are classy, in a Steve Urkel kind of way. They also do a fine job of keeping my pants up.
Shawn- Ah, Mr. Amateur Neighborhood Meteorologist Guy, yes. It take a special amount of detail orientedness combined with charisma and caring to make that job work! :)
Da Old Man- He is a man who truly knows how to specialize, too. Other flea market vendors may diversify beyond their strengths, but not Mr. White Tube Sock Seller Guy. He knows what he has, and he sticks with it.
my nominee for hero is the woman who says "im sorry, youre call cannot be completed as dialed" on the phone. everytime i try to use the phone when the humans not here she comes on and says that to me. shes really patient and nice
"commit slaw off"
heh heh heh
Oh! Oh! I have one!
The skater who dresses as Sebastian the Crab for Disney on Ice.
Nooter- AH, yes! I'm glad she's dealt so understandingly with you over the incidents. I believe she's the sister of the lady in our work phone system who says, "Enter your password please" when we have to get voicemail messages.
Venom- Heh, that is the fun thing about blogging-- for every little thing ya try to just sneak by, there's at least one person who spots it and chuckles. :)
Fefifoto- Wow, that's specific! Crabs on ice normally aren't expected to be lively, though-- so I can see where that would be one rough job!
Dizzblnd- Absolutely- because otherwise we would just see those little jobbies and start gnawing away. Someone has to look out for us like that!
I know! How about the people kind enough to put the "do not eat" stickers on all the silicone inserts in our pills and other products
You don't know how many times that has saved my life
You know that guy that puts the gaps between the pointy bits on a fork? He never gets the kudos he deserves I reckon...
Dizzblnd- I'm glad you're still with us here in the living! :)
Tony- Hm, what shall we call him? A Tyne Logistics expert? :)
Jenn,
Cool blog. I'm a first time visitor, and enjoyed your post today.
I second the vote for the guy who picks up the garbage. And how about the guy who has to go around the pick up all the dead deers, racoons and squirrels on the road. My hat is off to that poor sap.
The Constant Complainer
Cleveland
I love this post! The other day I was at the grocery store and there was this man dressed in a banana suit out front. I could tell when I saw his face that it probably wasn't his first choice of employment. In every society someone has to pick up the garbage and someone has to be the guy in a banana suit.
I nominate for honors the person who invented that little thingie that looks like a plastic dollhouse table that gets parked in the center of a pizza to prevent the lid of the pizza box from sticking to the cheese. I'm in awe that someone had to identify the problem, see this solution, and then sell the idea first to a manufacturer, and ultimately to pizza vendors. What a feat!
Bobbie
i think the person who individualy wraps the starws should get an award
because realy,a bent bendy straw,while being tragicaly oxymoranic,stinks when it gets dowen to drink time.
OK I'm so happy to have found this blog -- so please don't do slaw Monsieur Petit Chou!!
How about the computer dude who spends hours animating the little animal gifs so that when your grandmother or mother-in-law forwards you a daily email from her retirement community we're graced with a dancing frog in a top hat?
Jenn-
I actually did the price-change thing at a gas station [as part of my third-shift duties], and it really DOES feel the way you described it! Thanks for recognizing my pain...
-MR
Constant Complainer- Yes, indeed, once spring happens and the raccoons start coming out, the King of Carcass Removal has a BIG job ahead of him. And I give him two shovels up for it!
Margo- OHHHH, the banana suit, good one!
I would like to expand that to the people for Liberty tax services who have to stand outside in all weathers dressed as the Statue of Liberty and Uncle Sam. I see them and feel their pain, as they act as a beacon toward personalized 1040 submission. Three cheers for them!
BNS- It's true, as simple as that pizza table is, many a pie has been rescued due toward its cleverness. Thank you Pizza Table Inventor guy!
Jessie- Let us hope that this task is automated by machinery, but if Bendy Straw Wrapper Guy is out there, we thank you!
BlickyKitty- I'm sure the King Cabbage thanks you for your concern. I imagine he'll be just fine, he's just felt a little wilted lately. :) And thank you for your contribution of Computer Frog Icon Animation Guy. It's true, Grandma's emails would not be the same without them.
Mike- GASP! You-- you were Gas Price Changer Guy? Oh, it is an honor, sir! Allow me to personally thank you for that, as I could imagine my own back strained for days as I'd fight the forces of wind and physics to get the job done.
Ha ha Jenn your creativity never ceases to amaze me. I think we should give a hand to the Caution Signers of American who so thoughfully put up caution cones and the signs that say "Cuidado Piso Mojado" in the grocery store. Without them where would I be, quite possibly on the floor in the produce section. Cheers to you Caution Signer!
Faith- Ah, couldn't have said it better myself! Thanks for the warning, Caution Signers, so I haven't publicly landed on my bum in the Giant Eagle supermarket!
I am with you on thanking the people who go unnoticed, BUT I have to draw the line with
"The person who puts those twisty ties in toy packaging."
I despise those things. End up cussing, screaming, and frothing at the mouth. No I do not have rabies.
I think we need to give a big thank you to the woman who holds the "slow" or "stop" sign as we're entering road contruction. A thankless dirty job, all for our safety.
And Constant Complainer, I actually know that guy that picks up road kill. His name is Tom and he's like 78. He and his wife are the sweetest people.
Hussy- Ah. Well, not everyone can be a fan, I suppose. Twisty ties WERE a controversial choice.
Melanie- Oh hey, yes. In all sorts of rotten weather, too. Say Hi to Tom the Roadkill Picker Upper Dude for us!
Awesome.
When I was in Kindergarten we all fought over those fruit stickers. I remember when my banana had a sticker on it and I felt like I won the lottery o rsomething.
Whispering Writer- Oh, gosh, I remember that now, too! One Chiquita sticker would suddenly be a huge treasure. Thanks for bringing back that great detail of childhood. I love stuff like that.
"At the end of the day, when I am not orange, I have you to thank."
HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Good one!
My accolade goes to the person who puts the price tickets on supermarket shelves. As someone who has knocked one or two off in my time and tried to put them back, I salute you!
Yeah, I am SO NOT thanking the twisty tie guy. I do, however, want to thank the pop-top can inventor. I know that's not an every day job, but still...!
Jay- Oh yes, I've knocked those over too. And returning them to their proper place is a strangely monumental task. Good choice!
Wendy- Pop-top cans are a truly beautiful invention. I think many of us can support you in that selection!
Jenn, how can you forget the Cone Picker-upper? He/she brings cheer to the hearts of the drivers of cars parked on the Parkway (East, West, North...take your pick!) : A PennDoT original, indeed!
Sujatha- Oh yes! You're right, how DID I forget, particularly with the impending construction season coming on? Not only the Cone Picker-upper but the Giant Electric Lane Arrow Driver. Critical in backing up traffic for miles... safely. :)
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