Santa was a jerk.
No, no, not to me. To Rudolph. And I think because of his position and influence and the potential for coal-filled stockings, we let the Fat Man's open discrimination and self-interest slide long enough.
I mean, the evidence is clear and we've all witnessed it. Santa takes one look at Rudolph's glowing nose and does he tell the other reindeer to lay off with the name-calling?
Does he use this as a teachable moment to explain how some clay stop-motion reindeer have lightbulb noses and some don't, but that we're all equal in Santa's eyes?
Does he instate an inclusive reindeer games policy?
No. He's as bad as the rest of them. He makes a mockery of Rudolph's nose. And then-- only when he realizes that the shiny schnoz could suit his own needs-- then he uses Rudolph by conning him into a high-risk flight.
No "I was wrong, Rudolph."
No "I will no longer support discriminatory practices in this workplace, Rudolph."
No "Please don't find an elf who secretly desires to be a lawyer and then sue the red knickers off me, Rudolph."
And Rudolph, raised in an atmosphere of ostracism and low self-esteem, totally takes it without a single, "Oh, so ya like me now, huh? Well, it's a little late for that, Nicky-boy."
No, Rudolph's just grateful for Santa's acknowledgment, the poor deer.
It's a sad, dysfunctional situation if ever I saw one, and frankly, I've totally lost respect for Mr. HoHoHo.
So this year, I'm skipping the milk and cookies for the Fat Man. Instead, I'm leaving some deer treats and this note.
Please give these reindeer num-nums to Rudolph, and you can skip the presents for me this year. It's bad enough you're running an elf-labor sweatshop--
And you're clearly violating copyright laws by replicating toys that actual corporations hold the trademarks on and passing them off as legit--
But your Equal Opportunity policies stink, too.
So go ahead and give me coal if you dare. With the current rates on fossil fuels, I'll be making out all right.
I think if enough of us leave notes like this, Santa might be forced to pay attention and do something about it. Fair is fair. Let's show Mr. Naughty-or-Nice that we can't be bribed into silence anymore!
Who's with me?