In Search Of: Answering Your Keyword Search Questions

Every now and then, I enjoy looking through the list of Google search terms that brought people to Cabbages.

It appeals to my sense of curiosity... My deep inner marketer... And, well, because I'm a big ol' loser with nothin' better to do.

But I'm also a big ol' helper. And I'd like to help my readers find the information they seek on this amazing thing we call the Web. I'm a giver that way. (snicker)

So today, I give you answers to some of Cabbages' most intriguing Google referrers.

"Gooten gleepen gloppen" ?
Yes, Sir or Madam, the bathroom in Ikea IS, in fact, located on the first floor level near the cinnamon bun store. I do hope you make it in time.

Well, okay, I'm kidding you. This person was actually looking for the faux German from the beginning of Def Leppard's "Hysteria." This also comes to me in variations of "Gooben gleepen gloppen globen," "Gruben greeben gloppen globen" and "Horace." Though those last folks clearly aren't really even trying when they listen to the song.

"What is a scround?"
I know in one of my posts, I had many a Cabbages reader befuddled by my mysterious use of the word "scround." And I apologize for that. So, to clear that up, a scround is the not-quite-round-not-quite-square packaging that ice cream now tends to come in.

And while it seems new to our lexicon, it's a little-known fact that the word "scround" has actually been around for decades. It made its debut as a part of 60s music culture, when it was first heard in the Beach Boys song, "I Get a Scround," a tune dedicated to Brian Wilson's deep love of ice cream as a cure for the munchies.

"What does ouija stand for?"
Why, truth, justice, and the Parker Brothers way, of course!

In my post about the time a friend and I tried to channel the Great Beyond, we didn't actually go into stuff like Ouija etymology. But the word is apparently a Parker Brothers trademark.

According to Wikipedia, one theory is the word was derived from the French word "oui," meaning "yes"... And the German word "ja" meaning... er... also "yes."

Because when you drag a spirit from the Other Side or, y'know, you're just sitting around talking to yourself... you want it to be polite and agreeable.

"Ouija, will I get that payraise?"

"Oh, oui... ja!"

The Ouija board's spirit guide may be Marlene Dietrich. But I can't be certain about that.

"Paintings of william shatner" ?
Er, are you looking for paintings featuring Mr. Shatner-- to flesh out your vast William Shatner Tribute Gallery (AKA, your mom's basement)? Or are you looking for paintings done by Mr. Shatner, in which case I'd kinda be keen to see those myself?

I can just imagine his work now.... A canvas done entirely in pink paint entitled, "Tribble."

I'm afraid, dear search engine visitor, I cannot give you Shatner Art here at Of Cabbages and Kings, but I can tell you about the time William Shatner almost wrecked my car. I hope that, at least, makes it worth your click.

"Why we r using form no 29 in post office" ?
Because Forms 1-28 are in the back room with that person who is terrified to come out to wait on the line that is now wrapping around the building three times and makes queues in Disney World look short and manageable?

Well, that's been my recent post office experience, anyway.

Truthfully, I don't really know y u r uzng the 4rm u r. May-b u shd ask ur boss?

"Mayometer" ?
This is the carefully-calibrated, microscopic, sensory-perceptive device, located in the tastebuds, that allows those of us with acute mayophobia to know that mayonnaise has been surreptitiously added to our foodstuffs. You either have a mayometer, or you do not.

If you've come to this site, a person suffering from mayonnaise fear and the occasional familial mayo-betrayal, I consider you my newest bestest friend and you may very well enjoy this post. If you are a mother looking to slip mayo into your family's foods-- shame on you! Shame, shame.

"Tentacle egg impregnation story" ?
Okay, I don't really have any answers for this, but maybe you-- my readers-- do. What's a "tentacle egg"? Or are the eggs impregnated in the tentacle? So many questions. No answers. I just hope this wasn't a personal health question. Because I don't think WebMD will have what they're looking for, either.

"Why there are lots of safety pins in 1980's?"
Excellent question! This is because we all felt the need to buy very expensive jeans, with designer names on them, and then slash the heck out of them with razor blades.

Then, our parents would ground us because they had paid for said very expensive designer jeans, and they wouldn't let us out of our rooms until we thought about what we'd done, and fixed them.

Of course, most of us also failed home ec.

So the safety pins were a quick fix allowing us to at least get to see the light of day sometime during our high school careers.

"Anonymous of the word captain" ?
I just have no idea on this one. "Anonymous of the Word" would be a good band name. But it doesn't seem to be. If we're looking for the anonymous posts of some dude named the "Word Captain," then, um, we're probably not going to find them due to his... er... anonymity.

So, folks-- ideas? More questions? A rousing chorus of "I Get a Scround"? Let me know.

Iffin' you feel like it, vote for this post over at Humor-blogs
Iffin' you don't- mosey on over to Humorbloggers for some funny.


Da Old Man said...

I personally would love to hear you sing "I get a Scround," but I do have a serious question. Ok, as serious as blog comment protocol would allow.
One thing I am very curious about is your mayometer, which ties in to your obvious hatred and distrust of all things mayo.
What do you put in your tuna? And can I guess you have never known the joy of egg salad?

Jenn Thorson said...

Da Old Man- If I have a tuna sandwich, I might put margarine on the bread or roll, and then maybe a slice of cheese and some lettuce and tomato. I love hardboiled eggs, and that allows me eggy-goodness in a mayo-free eating experience.

chyna said...

I believe the story behind the song on Gooben Gleepen .... is that Mutt Lang used to say it all the time and the Hearing Impaired Big Cats thought it was cool so they used it in their song. To the great dismay of many a German language teacher. LOL R U W/Me?

Jenn Thorson said...

Chyna- Y, I M. :)

DeadRooster said...

What a great idea for a blog post! I wish I could steal it, but I haven't had any noteworthy search phrases lately. It's been mostly "how to get rid of roosters" type of stuff.

I did have one a while back that boggles my mind: "bubble-wrap masturbation techniques"

It is weird because I've never used the words "bubble-wrap" or "masturbation" in any post--EVER! And, the post it directed to was entitled, "Nothing relieves stress like watching a hilarious rollercoaster disaster."

I still don't get it.

Jenn Thorson said...

DeadRooster- Well, give it time. My thrifting blog, I get fairly normal searches. But this one, it's a never-ending array of weirdness that bobs on through.

Then again, your search example is priceless. Seems there's just something for everyone on the internet, now isn't there? :) (Bubble-wrap fetishists??)

Jay said...

That was hilarious!!

Why don't I get such interesting search terms? 'Snot fair! *Kicks rock*

Jenn Thorson said...

Jay- Ah, but you probably get every Johnny Depp who understands how to work the internet. At least you have solidarity. :)

Anonymous said...

Well, It's been a crazy week. Even when writing this 4 AM in the Morning, I am still not done. Thanks for making my day !

I wish I had known the word "scround" way back then. The phrase "Rectangle with a radius" does get annoying especially when the design ask for too many !
You could also suggest the guys at Adobe to change the name of the "Rounded Rectangle" button in Photoshop and Fireworks and collect royalties every time it's clicked.

I can only imagine Shatner drawing a bowl of cereal.

I love Mayonnaise.

"tentacle egg impregnation" only brings back pictures from one such story that begins with a P and ends 9 months later.
I also think that person was searching for anime porn.

I agree there were a lot of safety pins in the 80's. Not just ordinary looking ones... my mom had a large collection of cute colourful pins, some that had heads of bears and other cartoon characters.
I also recall that "In pin safety pin, in pin out" rhyme we used when playing hide and go seek,

I vote this my favourite post of the year !

Anonymous said...

Umm... I think this link on tentacle erotica would make more sense

WARNING - Contains images NSFW

Jenn Thorson said...

Jaffer- Ah, see, I KNEW if I presented it to you guys, you'd have some answers for the search terms I just couldn't figure out! So tentacle term explained-- excellent!

PS- I missed the cute safety pin trend, but imagine that would be a fun little collection.

PPS- 4am? Yipes. Hope you got some sleep eventually, Jaffer.