Swiffer Popularity Spawns ToolFool Household Dating Site



(This post not affiliated with Swiffer in any way other than this blog author watches entirely too much television.)

Recent Swiffer TV commercials have shown that household cleaning implements and other utensils not only have a lot of free time on their... um... handles, but that they use it to enjoy a rich social life.

And now they can meet like-minded household items in the online dating community that's sweeping the nation!...

Welcome to the ToolFool Household Dating Site.

At ToolFool, you won't have to scour your basements, bathrooms, kitchens and garages for great available singles. You'll clean up on the social scene and can give less likely candidates the brush-off at the click of a button.

Why spend time trying to meet other quality implements in a smoky club situation, which can be crowded and noisy, making it hard to find that meaningful one-on-one time you're looking for?...
Here's just a sample of the household honeys waiting to meet you through ToolFool!

Like Yolanda. She's got discerning tastes, but doesn't just skim the surface when it comes to relationships. She's willing to go through thick or thin, even some sticky situations, in order to find herself a real keeper...
She left her last relationship because it was strained.

Meet Darcy and Danette. This twosome is ready to whisk some lucky fellow off on a whirlwind weekend he'll never forget...
Take these ladies out for a spin and they'll have you in a froth in no time!

Of course, we don't guarantee you'll find the right partner right away. Like any service, you may run into that occasional someone who makes you bristle or feel a little bit like you need a shower afterwards...
But with our special compatibility profile, you can choose the qualities that are really important to you (for instance, likes the outdoors, enjoys quiet time in the drawer, really knows how to drill, is tested 100% rust-free) and so much more.

So you'll be able to narrow down your interests and find the household implement to share your life, in no time.

So why wait? Sign up for ToolFool today, and be stirred up and swept into a new world of romance!

Fill out your application by leaving a comment here, and our Compatibility Experts will add you immediately to our extensive database!

18 comments:

Jewel said...

Have enjoyed reading v. funny - well done.

Jaffer said...

My name is Max, and I am a stainless steel mixing bowl.
I am from Greenville, Ohio and I was born at the KitchenAid assembly plant

My best feature: my love handles - used to hold my steady when I am in action !
Oh I can be so wild on the counter-top.

I am looking for a whisk - preferably stainless steel, no accessories attached, and can hold on when we are doing high RPMs hehehe...

Oh help me Tool Fool !

Jenn Thorson said...

Jewel- Thanks for stopping by!

Jaffer, er, um, "Max"-- Thank you for your application. It makes it rather hard for us to type as we're 1.) laughing right now and also 2.) a dustmop and thus without fingers, but we will include you in our database, and soon, you will be on to the exciting world of internet dating.

ReformingGeek said...

My cheese grater is claiming to be the prettiest and sharpest tool in the drawer. Sheesh. What a prima donna!

She is seeking a BIG knife to.......oh never mind.

;-)

Jenn Thorson said...

ReformingGeek-It's so grate-- er, great-- of you to send in her application for her. We'll put her right into the system! I imagine she's tired of all the cheesy dates she's been on in the past.

ridgely johnson said...

I am a pretty zippy pot holder looking for a shiny pot to hold on to. Please help me get out more (from the drawer)

Deray said...

Hey there, my name is Chary and I'm a salad spoon. I'm made of the finest polypropylene and I'm green. I like mixing veggies and the occasional salsa, preferably with some chile ;-). I'm looking for my fork soul-mate. I would like us to enjoy piƱas coladas and potlucks by the beach, jajajaja. If you are interested you can find me by the knives collection just hanging out or patiently waiting for a ride in the dishwasher :-D.

Jaffer said...

Max the stainless steel mixing bowl wants to tell Chary that he can mix more than cake dough and has a green spot for salsa-mixing for an upcoming party on Saturday night

Jenn Thorson said...

Ridgely- Well, they say there's a lid for every pot, so why not a pot for every potholder?

To Chary the Salad Spoon- I think possibly, given your knowledge about polypropylene, perhaps you missed your calling and should be a lab tool instead of a salad spoon. I hope we can find you the fork of your dreams, to share that seaside potluck with. :)

Max- Could it be love is already in the air, and we haven't even used the ToolFool compatibility matching database yet? WOW! This could be our first online success story!

Security News Media said...

Hey Hey..here you are...your next clue is: ( and don't you delete this Thrifty :P )

There's a green woman ( or lady ) who is breathen the least among us.

MA Fat Woman said...

What would the ice pick say?

Jenn Thorson said...

Egaldeist- You had me wondering what the dealio was with that comment for a little while, until I saw your BC game. Phew!

MAFatWoman- "Pick me! Pick Me!" :)

Deray said...

@Max, nothing wrong with trying something totally out of our "type" right?

@Jen, you might be right about that, maybe a change is needed, as long as it's not a meth lab =P

JD at I Do Things said...

I am in love with those lime-green utensils and Jaffer's comment.

Melanie said...

LOL! Jenn, you've outdone yourself with this one. :D

Jenn Thorson said...

Deray- Since in the ads a Swiffer sweeper gets together with a hot garden rake, I think it's completely right. :)

JD- The pasta ladle and I have become close friends.

Melanie- Hey, glad you liked it. I have to say, going around the house taking portraits of my cleaning implements was up there in my more unusual blogging photo sessions. :)

Chris@Knucklehead! said...

Where's the egg beater? "Hey, do you still beat your wife?"

Great job, Jenn, love the punnage.

Jenn Thorson said...

Chris- In my house, that's called a "fork." :) We don't get fancy with them newfangled egg-beater things. :)