The Shoveling Gnomes

I swear it wasn't done when I went to bed.

I recall specifically lookin' out my front door, without any of that that "doo-doo-doo" enthusiasm John Fogerty expressed back at his house in the 60s. And with 100% fewer giants doing cartwheels, too...

Even though I was pretty tired.

But there was absolutely nothing to sing about, as far as I was concerned. The snow had piled up a good eight inches in no time, creating an image of idyllic postcard winter. Because y'know, those Currier and Ives landscape people clearly had snowblowers. What else could explain how they could summon up so much seasonal appreciation to paint under these sorts of conditions?

So I went to bed. And when I got up in the morning and faced the tundra again with a hot cup of java, that's when I saw it.

My walk, and the first three stairs of my house, had been shoveled.

There was also a path carved so I could get into my car.

"Again?"

Yes, this was the third time this had happened.

The first time, I had already shoveled, but overnight a mysterious, convenient path had been dug to my car that I didn't recall doing.

The second time, someone beat me to shoveling my front walk in its entirety, again somewhere between 10pm and 5am.

And now... this time, the walk was shoveled, along with three steps to the house.

I would say it was my neighbors, but initial dealings with one of them in particular hadn't proved to be overly... Mr. Rogersy. So unless it was guilt-ridden, Apology Shoveling, it just didn't seem likely.

And no one has come ringing my doorbell asking for money, saying if I don't pay up they'll put it all back.

So the only possible rational explanation is that I have Shoveling Gnomes.

I mean, sure, as kids we all heard the tales. Magical elfin people who'd repair massive amounts of shoes overnight. Or spin straw into gold. Or fold your laundry and stack it in your underwear drawer.

(Oh, wait, no, that last one is sometimes called "Mom.")

But the other two. Those. They count. So who's to say these magic-packed little people aren't expanding their operations to shovel snow?

What happens to lawn gnomes in winter, anyway? Do we really believe they're just under two feet of snow sleeping it off for six months?

No. They make themselves useful. Tidy up the place. And we have evidence that they're attracted to colder, snowier climes. I mean, who hasn't heard of Gnome, Alaska?

Okay, yes, I know that's spelled differently. But I think that's just a diversionary tactic used by real estate agents to strengthen the market values.

So, as winter slowly melts into spring, I'm looking to see what the future brings. Perhaps they'll turn their hands to gardening this year, and I'll find annuals where none were planted.

Maybe I'll find the barbeque polished up for a fresh season of grilling.

Or maybe I'll just find a ton of teeny-tiny beer bottles tossed under one of my shrubs, along with a pink plastic flamingo wearing a saddle.

Work hard, play hard, you know.

There's no place like gnome.
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Humorbloggers

16 comments:

Floormodel said...

oh give me a gnome.....

Shieldmaiden96 said...

We have those too. I try to 'be the gnome' once in a qhile, but I have it on good authority that the gnome up the street has a snowblower he enjoys using and his stretch of the sidewalk just isn't long enough for him to get his ya yas out. Sometimes he goes all the way to the corner.

Jenn Thorson said...

FloorModel- "Where the snowplows do roam"... :)

Shieldmaiden- Ah, that I totally understand. My dad used to do that. He'd whip through a whole block in no-time. I SUSPECT the neighbors may have contracted to pay someone to shovel by the hour, and as a result, they use the remaining time to shovel me. I'm pretty quick on the draw when it comes to shoveling right after it's finished snowing. But this midnight shoveling thing tends to beat me to the punch. Pretty funny.

Jaffer said...

"Where the shovels and the blow-ers do play;"

--

Jenn's got a secret-admirer ! Jenn's got a secret-admirer ! la la laa la la !

Any flowers and card on the doorstep yet ? ;-)

Jenn Thorson said...

Jaffer- Heh, I somehow don't imagine that. But shoveling for me certainly is a way to get my attention.

Well, first to make me doubt my own sanity ("Did I shovel that? I don't recall shoveling there?") and THEN getting my attention.

Y'know, we all might have written the first multi-person inner-blog-comment song parody. :)

Melanie said...

Then the next line would have to be "where the skies are snowy all day"

In my neighborhood the gnomes run big BIG tractors and thank goodness for that, they've been keeping my driveway cleared since Christmas.

Jenn Thorson said...

Melanie- "And seldom is heard, the chirp of a spring bird"... :)

Ah, I saw some of those tractor gnomes over the weekend on one of our more rural roads. I can't imagine how anyone in more remote areas would manage without them. It's hard enough sometimes just to get around the city.

lifeshighway said...

Harboring gnomes and condoning good gnome behavior comes with a price.

That is how magic works.

Jenn Thorson said...

Life's Highway- Erm, so... As a Gnome-American, how do YOU feel I can strengthen my household Gnome relations? :) I'm more than happy to leave out food in return for shoveling.

sharonheg said...

Just found you on humorbloggers.com - very funny posts!

When we lived up north, we occasionally had shovel gnomes too. More often we had PITA next-door neighbors who went right up to the property line but if it was a BIG snow and someone had their snowblower out, he'd do a good portion of the block.

We live in the south now and the best we have are garbage can gnomes, which are also appreciated.

My husband had THE BEST thing when he was single, though. He had a Magic Table. When he would get home from work, his kitchen table was made, complete with the day's mail, and his meal was in the fridge, ready to be microwaved. He lived in an apartment in a secondary home owned by his parents which was around the corner from their house, LOL!

Anyway, thanks for the giggles..I'll stop by again one of these days.

screwdestiny said...

Well heck, I've got to get me some lawn gnomes.

ReformingGeek said...

Wow! I'm so jealous of your gnomes.

They sound so much more useful than Cat and Evil Twin.

Michael said...

I find the whole gnome thing strange and creepy. In fact I won't book travel plans from gnomes.... What are they up to?

...And Another Thing!!!

Chris@Knucklehead! said...

Maybe it was the Gnome Ranger.

"Hi-Yo Snowblower, AWAAAAAY!"

kathcom said...

Could you please send a few of those gnomes my way? Apparently, the management of our neighboring apartment buildings don't see it as their civic duty to shovel.

We're getting another storm tomorrow. Can't that frigging gnome get us some plane tickets?

Marg said...

Could you please pass that Gnome over here for a little while. I don't have any snow but there are lots of other jobs that need doing. Great story.