- Have you ever made a scene in public due to the joy of an enzyme-based milk product?
- At gatherings with friends and family, does the conversation naturally lead to bloating, irregularity, and the miraculous relief you find through a daily cup of bacteria-laden dairy?
- Do you feel yogurt flavors are perfectly comparable with finely-made baked goods?
- Have you ever swirled your hand in a sweeping motion, as the unspoken International Gesture of Happily Irrigated Bowels?
I ask because, being Lactose Disgruntled myself, I have not enjoyed any of these experiences. And, based on the persistent commercials on television right now, I'm getting the impression that there's a Train of Feel Goodness, Beauty and Wonder rolling on through, carrying better health, gourmet delicacies, and unmatched vitality... And I'm the only one who hasn't leapt aboard singing and waving.
I'm starting to wonder if it's this Outside Looking In perspective that's causing Jamie Lee Curtis-- in her single-minded Activia enthusiasm of late-- to seriously annoy me.
I feel bad about it, too. I mean, I was full of empathy for her when she was on serial killer Michael Myers' shit list in Halloween.
I chuckled with her as she manipulated John Cleese using humor, initiative and a new set of implants.
But now... now I just want to push her off that stupid green Activia sofa and shout, "For the love of Wanda, please, please, please stop talking!" every time she turns a perfectly normal discussion into the Wide, Wide World of Intestinal Bacteria.
Then there's the Dan-o-nino jingle that runs every five minutes on BBC America. Based on its name, Dan-o-nino is apparently the first yogurt targeted specifically to Latino and Hispanic boy children. Or large climactic irregularities. I'm not sure which.
Actually, I hope it's the last one, because given all the probiotic hubbub, the thought of marketers suggesting the product causes sudden wind and weather shake-ups just makes me laugh.
Anyway, before I even got done picking apart the name of the thing, my brain got a hold of the repetitious jingle, where small children sing the "Dan-o-nino" name, oh... like... ten times to infinity until I'm ready to stick a yogurt spoon through my ear.
I find myself doing things around the house, with "Dan-o-nino... Dan-dan-no-nino" running through my brain.
And yes, I know-- some would suggest that creating something that's so catchy is good marketing.
Some would say it's the irritating quality of the Dan-o-nino song and name that's what's getting the product press right now through my blog at this very minute, and isn't it clever?
Of course, some would also say it's wrong to stick a spoon through your ear or push Jamie Lee Curtis off the sofa.
We can just agree to disagree.