Of Cabbages and Kings Blog Buddies Virtual Giftlist

T'was the week before Christmas and all through the 'net
A Cabbage was cooking plans no one'd forget
What if, posed the Cabbage, in this time of cheer
Said Cabbage could gather all online friends here...

And gift them with goodies that they would like well?
Virtual goodies. (Just not IRL.)
A Cabbage, you see, might have heart to the core
But no hands or feet to go shop in the store

And a Cabbage we know is covered in green
But not in his wallet. For him, times are lean.
"A token," he shouted, "plus some linky love,
"For visits and comments and all of that stuff!"

So the Cabbage, he wrote up a very long list
And thought and he thought, hoping no one was missed
But he feared and he fretted for friends overlooked
(This is what happens with Cabbage, half-cooked.)

So below you will find the results of his work
And please do not think Old King Cole Slaw a jerk
If all are not mentioned. He asks, please, instead:
Know he does what he can with a veg for a head

And so here is to you, and to you, and to you!
May each day of this holiday bring joy right through
Now go and start shredding the wrappings because
"There's no time like the present," says old Santa Slaws

Friends of Cabbages, found in no particular order:

  • To Olga the Traveling Bra- I give you a bosom buddy this holiday season, someone who apparently likes to travel as well, and will always have your breast interests at heart. Click to embiggify (and possibly put your eye out).

  • To Claire- I wish you the knowledge to get through your courses, the empathy to understand those who need it, and the Guinness to occasionally forget about the first two things.
  • To DrowseyMonkey- For you, I wish you virtual Woolite, so your Drowsy doll never has an offensively filthy foot again. (And no, you don't get Vincent D'Onofrio. I kidnapped him for you for your birthday. There's a restraining order on me now.)
  • To Mark Stoneman- I wish you all the hope and warmth of new opportunity. Also an all-weather doggy coat printed in honestly-earned A+ student papers.
  • To Ender- I wish you a design that finally gets the credit it deserves, and a surprise Grand Opening of a local Popeye's Chicken and Biscuits.
  • To Shirley- I wish you quick entry into that new house-- and a slow start in discovering the joys of property taxes.
  • To Tiggy- I send to you a breakthrough extra role where you get discovered-- without ink all over yourself.
  • To Crotchety Old Man- I wish you a Major Award that doesn't involve you having to pass it along to 20 of your closest bloggy friends-- and one brought to you by your favorite homemaking babe, Martha Stewart.

  • To Babs Beetle- May the fauna pose for perfect pics, and may the trolls keep their opinions to themselves.
  • To Dead Rooster- I'm sending you a Black-Widow-Free summer, plus one earthquake which does not involve your cat deciding to buckle down for it on you.
  • To Unfinished Rambler- I wish you to a glorious, uncontested win in the Kenny Loggins vs. Huey Lewis Smackdown (even though I have reservations about your theory-- see, now that's bloggy friendship). I hope you'll be out of the "Danger Zone" and it'll turn out "All Right."
  • To Shieldmaiden- I'm sending you virtually one full week's sleep with no interrupting sirens. Note: I cannot specify when this week will be. :)
  • To Jonny's Mommy- Well, I'd wish you a couple of free zingers toward Brother, but you usually have that covered without outside help. Instead, I wish you two perfectly timed photographs of Jonny-- which you'll marvel for years to come at your good luck in capturing.
  • To ReformingGeek- I bring you the knowledge that the Christmas season, which has been driving you batty, will actually end.
  • To Melanie of Tulip House- Sending you an early spring for those tulips! (Aren't you glad I didn't say, 'Another tacky souvenir magnet from Florida??) You are. I know you are. :)
  • To Tiffany- I'd give you some extra time, so you can actually get a breather these days.
  • To Jaffer- May your next possession by "Ronald the Zombie Mime" be both fun and educational.
  • To Chat Blanc- Let's see... I know you don't want plastic stripper shoes with a tarantula in the heels... How 'bout some Catnip and Stoli?
  • Jay of TheDeppEffect- I'd send you Johnny Depp only I think Vanessa Paradis would object, particularly here at the holidays. So I'm sharing with you the one thing I have to give-- a photo of the Johnny Depp theme tree my friend Kitty gifted me with a couple of years ago. Hope you make it to the Dillinger premier!

  • To J.D. of I Do Things- I'm sending you the good luck that just once, someone else will do a couple of things so you don't have to.
  • To J.D. of Techfun-- May the cheesesteaks always be fresh, the dim-sum come right on time, and the car traffic be unexpectedly light. Also, beat Bryan a few times at that Wii block game.
  • To Chyna- (Not a blogger, but oh, I know what she'd want.) I send you virtual tins of off-mix paint. May you find a rainbow of them-- cheap!
  • To TimeThief-- A holiday season just the way you want to celebrate it and nobody telling you any differently.
  • To Offended Blogger-May the year bring all the offenses, offenders and crunchy tacos you need for happy blogging.
  • R.J. of WordTapestry- Wool. Lots of weird and different wools. Also knit socks that end up the same length the first time around. :)
  • The Rhet- Sending you virtual Sculpey clay, and the lightbulb idea to make it do something never-before-seen.
  • To Greg- Sending you a year you don't have to dig up the garden bed so it can become migratory!
  • To Karen of A Strange Life Revisited- Wishing her the tableau of the bizarre she needs for continued posting. Also more Penzey's spices-- those cinnamon rolls this week looked good!
  • To Static- Sending you some virtual, anti-electro-shock-therapy haircare products for the -do.
  • To Lidian- Back in a dingy junk shop, under a box of old Reader's Digests, I send you the vintage ads that make you laugh out loud.
  • To Alice of Honey Pie- Just wishing you well, and smooth going with the job, Alice. I really miss reading your adventures each day!
  • To Sujatha- Enough time to actually put your feet up for a change, without even having to think about your next blog post!
  • To Marvel Goose- The kind of eggs laid in the news that you have blog fodder for a good long while.
  • To Adullamite- I wish you two extremely silly things to happen, which allow you to wield the mighty sword of sarcasm in full-force. I thought you'd enjoy that.
  • To Nanny Goats- For you I'm wrapping up a virtual pair of new knickers for the Nanny Goat. Remember- change is good.
  • To Etta Rose- Wishing for you the resurrection of your lost subscriber list!
  • To Annie Wishing for a great meal cooked by someone who is not you for a change! Take a night off!
And as Tiny Tim didn't quite say, (but would have if he'd thought of it), "Blog bless us, every one!" :)


Chat Blanc said...

You're amazing and AWESOME! That is a great list. :D

Catnip and Stoli = PAR-TAY! I'm purrfectly thrilled with my gift. Thanks to youse. =^..^=

Meowy Kissmas!

Karen said...

Sweet Yummy Cabbage...my tableau of the bizarre continues unabated, in fact the Christmas Season always kicks things up a notch. I'm really not a big fan of the holidays...except for presents...I like presents! Thank you!

Jenn Thorson said...

Chat Blanc- I don't recommend mixing the catnip and Stoli, though. I'm not entirely sure what would happen there. :)

Karen- Well, here's hoping it all works out okay, and with some funny but not painful stories.

Anonymous said...

That is one heck of a list, Cabbage. Wow! Good lead-in too. Thank you.

Jenn Thorson said...

Mark- Yes, the Cabbages has certainly been busy. And is wilting a bit at the moment. :) You're welcome!!

JD at I Do Things said...

Oh, my GOSH! This is awesome! I can't believe the Cabbage missed anyone, but if he did, he will be forgiven because he wrote SUCH a great poem. SO CUTE! I love it. And thank you for the Christmas wish. I know it will come true, but even if it doesn't, I'm always happy to do things so you don't have to.

THANK YOU! and Merry Christmas!

JD at I Do Things

Jenn Thorson said...

JD- The Cabbage really tried, but I'm sure someone truly excellent accidentally fell through the cracks, and the Cabbage will weep. But that's what happens when he dictates to the blog hostess at 5am, barely caffeinated. :) Have a wonderful holiday!!!

ReformingGeek said...

Great poem, Cabbage, and what creative gifting from a bunch of greenish leaves. Hum....something else I'm thinking of has green leaves.

Cough, cough.

Anyway, thank you for reminding me that it will end. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel hoping it's not a freight train!

Olga, the Traveling Bra said...

OWWW! My eye!!!!!!!!!!!!


Double-D Thanks Jenn!...you (and your doll) are a doll!

Merry Chirstmas!

Jenn Thorson said...

Reforming Geek- There is only one kind of greenish leaves here at Cabbages. Although alternative greenish leaves would explain much to many. :) Hang in there!!

Olga- Heh, be careful there. Those pointy cups are more dangerous than a Red Ryder BB gun! I love how the bra in the ad is referred to as "intelligent."

Olga, the Traveling Bra said...

Yeah, but I see it only goes up to a C cup....so how smart can it really be? My BRAins are much bigger...


Jenn Thorson said...

Olga- Well, if they made that particular style in D cup, they would just call them "jousting staffs" and not bra cups. For the safety of society at large, that bra couldn't be as double-D-lightful as you, my friend.

Anonymous said...

Jenn: Thanks for the gift. I will celebrate by watching We Are The World video with both Kenny AND Huey in it (but wasn't everybody, my wife counters? but still).

The Wife, btw, says thanks, though, of course, the sirens were going off as she was reading it. She's not going anywhere though today. Snow, sleet, freezing rain, nasty and I'm not talking Janet Jackson either.

Jonny's Mommy said...


Ack. I feel kind of guilty. I haven't been commenting like I should of late yet you still gave me a gift (from your mouth go God's ear about the zingers against Brother). You are awesome and seriously hilarious. I'll be on more often and taking in all your hilarity (as I do, but don't always comment) on a more regular basis.

Thanks again (and by the way, I can't help agreeing on the Kenny vs. Huey thing. Don't tell my brother. The big dork.)

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

New knickers from Old King Coleslaw? Thanks, Jenn! You are the sweetest!

Letuuce all be thankful for link lovers like you!

Jenn Thorson said...

Unfinished Dude- Well, "We Are the World" is certainly holiday-festive. I can't fathom Kenny and Huey in the same room singing together, but I suppose it was bound to happen.

PS- I didn't necessarily pinpoint Shieldmaiden's siren-free day as starting TODAY. But, gotta love that timing!

Lisa- Oh gosh, don't worry about the commenting-- I like what you write and you've made me laugh WAY more than once. Your reign of Sisterly Sarcasm over the past year was well worth the inclusion. :)

Nanny Goats- Ah, you're very welcome! I know most people don't like getting socks and underwear for Christmas, but somehow I thought the Nanny Goats wouldn't mind. :)

Da Old Man said...

You just know the perfect gift. Thank you and Merry Christmas.

Babs (Beetle) said...

That was a great poem!

I was merrily chuckling my way down the list and saw me! What great company I am in. Thank you so much!

I'm getting a new camera for Christmas, so there will be no escaping my lens ;O)

Have a great Christmas - You and your cabbage :O)

Jenn Thorson said...

Da Old Man- You can put it in your virtual front window for the neighborhood to see, and Martha won't break it and use up all the glue! :)

Babs- You're quite welcome-- happy snapping!

Drowsey Monkey said...

ahahahaha! Wow you put a lot of work into this virtual present!

lol@woolite - I still haven't washed her foot so this gift is very much appreciated! LOL

And yes, I still have Vincent - I put him on my blog every once in a while...LOL!!

Jenn Thorson said...

Drowsey- Good presents are worth some effort. :) I'm glad Drowsydoll can use the Woolite.

And if you still have Vincent, well, this explains why I haven't seen him in much except for pre-recorded TV episodes. It's because YOU have him yet-- well, now we know. :)

Adullamite said...

Our jenn is no cabbage we know that by now
A poet, an author, and cooks wondrous chow.
Thoughtful and generous, tenderhearted and kind
She's a woman of talent and loveable frau!

So kind Jenn!

Anonymous said...

I'm now trying to figure out what a cabbage would consider weird wool. :-) I'm certainly knitting with some weird stuff lately -- some wool is made from shrimp shells and corn. Ya wonder if it has any nutritive value to livestock, at least.

Hope you and Scooby have a happy hol.

DeadRooster said...

A black widow free summer would be FANTASTIC! If you could speed it up on the "summer" part of it I would be much obliged (it's frickin' COLD out here now--29 degrees this morning. Is this southern California, or what?).

Thanks, Jenn! Merry Christmas to you!

Jenn Thorson said...

Adullamite- Heh, thanks for the lovely verse! Or, rather, to go along with the "frau"- danke! :)

WordTapestry- Please do not eat the wool no matter what its nutritive value. :) Scoobie is headed of for her holidays in a day or so, I think. I'll tell her you said 'hey!' :)

DeadRooster- 29 in California? Well-- that's the part TV never shows us! Stay warm, Rooster! I hear hats with earflaps are really big this year-- make sure you invest in one. Hehehehe

Melissa said...

Hi -- I just wanted to say I love your blog!!! Thanks for the suggestions on BlogCatalog!! :)

Marvel Goose said...

Now *here's* a post guaranteed to boost the old comment counter!

Thank you so much for the mention, Jenn. How did you know that I read two newspapers a day?

Jenn Thorson said...

Melissa- You're very welcome-- hope the new template works out for you!

Marvel Goose- There's just that newspapery sensibility about you somehow. You seem like one very informed and well-read Goose. :)

Shieldmaiden96 said...

Ya, the sireens were going as I was reading the post, but the Saturn in my driveway was not going to convey me to the station in anything like a timely manner so I stayed put! Turned out to be a vehicle fire. A fully involved one. The guy had just dropped comprehensive the week before. Merry Christmas!
I'll settle for a call-free Christmas Eve, or at the very least, a suicide attempt free one. Not like last year.

Melanie said...

Who knew the Cabbage had such a head for gifting! Wow, what a great list.

You can start sending that spring just any old time. The wind chill is -25 at the moment. I long for any tiny little glimmer of spring.

Jenn Thorson said...

Shieldmaiden- Well, let's certainly hope!

Melanie- I'm with you. Spring could be year-round and I'd be happy. But just think, sometimes things bud in February, so that's not entirely too far off.

Jay said...

Aah, Jenn - you're a good friend! Yes, sadly I think Vanessa (and the kids) might well object to losing him over Christmas, but you could at least try to persuade them that my need is greater than theirs right now?


Oh, well. It was a good try.

I LOVE the tree!

Alice said...

*sniff* *sniff*

And I didn't get you anything. : (

I sure as heck miss all the bloggy fun too! I hope you have a great holiday my Cabbage-y friend! I'll meet up with you one day for realz!

Kathy said...

What an awesome post and I loved the story! You are one talented Cabbage! Thank you for more bacon. I'll take it. Chocolate-covered, though? I think I'll pass, because JD already tasted that so I don't have to. (For the record, it's yucky!)

Merry Christmas!

Tiggy said...

Thanks so much for the Christmas wish... I'm waiting for that call from my agent now...

Have a fantastic Christmas!!

Jenn Thorson said...

Jay- We'd get a sad, sad note from Lily-Rose, I think. I'd hate to make a 7 year old cry on Christmas. :)

Alice- I'd like that-- I think it'd be a lot of fun. Take care of yourself, Alice! I hope all is going well.

Kathy- Good to know about the chocolate covered bacon. I should have known JD would have tasted it so we wouldn't have to. She really does look after us all, doesn't she?

Tiggy- Good luck! :)

Anonymous said...

I wish I'd found this blog sooner...like in time to "git sumptin" like the little ones we get to see once a year. Show up at the last moment to "git sumptin".

bah humbug I just need a new outhouse.

Jenn Thorson said...

Dana- No, no, this is a Humbug Free zone. I'd just wanted to say thanks to the fine folks that read and chime in and share their own wit here. When your commenters are so often funnier than the posts themselves, ya tend to feel lucky and grateful.

Greg said...

How delightful you are! I had this idea, but hadn't done a thing with it...that Cabbage must have all kinds of free time!

And thank you - a year without no garden moving would be a delightful year, indeed!!

Merry Christmas to you, sweet Jenn and much happiness (and site traffic) to you in 2009!!!

ettarose said...

I would love to leave a witty poem, or a really thoughtful gift, but alas, I come unprepared. I recieved my gift from you by knowing you and reading your comments on my blog. I could not have asked for a more thoughtful gift than what you wished for me. You are a very special young lady to a lot of people. Thank you!

Jenn Thorson said...

Greg- That Cabbage doesn't have as much free time, as he does OCD. :) Heh.

EttaRose- (sniff) Now I'm all emotional! :) You're a good egg EttaRose.

Lidian said...

Jenn - Thank you so much! That is just what I wanted! :)

And in the same junk shop I hope I can find some amazing treasures for you, too.

Jenn Thorson said...

Lidian- Oh, absolutely, you're welcome! I could think of nothing more appropriate for you than the luck of a killer find!!

Sujatha said...

Thank'ee kindly, mum!

(I'm sitting with my feet up as I type this, exhausted after finishing cooking lunch for the family and chasing them around all morning trying to get some cleaning and decluttering done "You're trying to make me clean my cupboard on Christmas Day, yelps S as I trash a full dozen of his now-too short trousers...I think I'll be more relaxed when I go to work tomorrow, as will they!)

Sujatha said...

And of course, to you Jen, a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!