Brenda Got Run Over By A Reindeer


I don't consider myself a violent person, but Brenda Lee is on my last nerve.

Everywhere I've gone for the past three weeks, this woman has been "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" with relentless, repetitive pep. And I see absolutely no sign of reprieve until the 26th of this month.

I go into an antique store...

She's scooching around the Scotch pine...

I go into the supermarket...

She's bugging around the blue spruce.

I go into the bank? There's Brenda. Bopping around the vegetative symbol of winter solstice.

I'm not sure what she does the other 10 and a half months of the year. Possibly spends 'em recovering from pulled muscles and dehydration....

But for the six weeks this woman is musically cavorting around the holiday conifer with reckless abandon, I find myself growing increasingly Grinchly.

Oh, I've tried to block her out. I've compensated with Celtic Christmas in my car. I've jollied along with Jethro Tull's Jack Frost. I've hearkened to the holidays with Gary Hoey. I've even swung to the sounds of Brian Setzer's rockabilly sleigh.

But the moment I step from the Brenda-Lee-No-Christmas-Tree-Rocking-Around Zone? There she is again. Fandangoing around the freakin' fir.

So, I think the other musical artists need to get together and stage an intervention for equal play time. It clearly isn't fair. Brenda Lee is monopolizing our Muzak airwaves, and something should be done.

David Bowie and Bing Crosby should round up their Little Drummer Boy and have him do his best Neil Peart solo every time she starts to open her mouth.

The Chipmunks could keep her in one place by trapping her in that hula hoop Alvin wants so much.

The reindeer that did a fly-by whacking on Grandma? He could keep an eye on her and swoop in, if she starts getting out of hand.

All I want for Christmas is to stop hearing this song, as I'm totally good in the "two front teeth" department.

I wonder if earmuffs come in a festive Cone of Silence style?

---

P.S.- Tell me, do you have a Christmas carol that you're sick of hearing? Knowing this might make my Grinchy heart grow three sizes bigger. Or at least make me not shriek in horror in the middle of the grocery store the next time I hear this song. (And oh, I will be hearing it. Oh yes.)

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49 comments:

ReformingGeek said...

I will be very happy if I never hear Brenda and her Rockin' Tree again. Also, Have Yourself an Effing Little Christmas, Toyland, O Christmas Tree , Sleigh Ride and almost all of the "classic" songs that my church used to sing every year in their Christmas pageant. Same song and "dance" (or what the Baptists defined as "dance") every year.

Greg said...

The "Christmas Shoes" is the song I have come to hate...with its tale of Mom dying on Christmas eve, it's needlessly manipulative.

If you want to have a greater appreciation of Brenda Lee, then you really need to listen to the Partridge Family's mod version of that song. After you've heard that a few times, you'll start missing Brenda.

"Grandma Got Run Over(By a Reindeer)" bugs me, too, although my grandma always told me when I'd grumble about it that I should embrace the songs of my generation and not cling to her WWII era classics.

Sorry, Gram; make mine Bing.

Jenn Thorson said...

ReformingGeek- I am SO glad to know it's not just me with this!! I do have some Christmas favorites. I love my Charlie Brown Christmas jazz. I have Loreena McKennit doing some great renditions of classic Christmas songs. But wow. My disdain for this woman and her rockin' Christmas tree has been building.

Jenn Thorson said...

Greg- I don't mind "Grandma" if I only hear it once or so a season.

I'd also like to know who did, and what the name is, of a song to the tune of Little Drummer Boy about how a neighbor kid gets a drum set and drives the folks in the residences around him batty. It was hysterical and I only heard it once. Anyone know? Anyone? Bueller??

Da Old Man said...

I like all Christmas music except that stupid bell song. Not Silver Bells, because I like that one a lot-- holy moley, I'm like Lucy Van Pelt. I have no idea of the name of the stupid song that I hate so much. Ever try to look up a bell song from a Christmas list on youtube? Must be a million of them. :(


BTW, Brenda Lee has to be better than
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ly-rFHCogBo

Jenn Thorson said...

Da Old Man- Great googly moogly that was bad. And now he's immortalized on YouTube. He must be so proud! :) Hm... Jingle Bells? Carol of the Bells, mebbe?

Tiggy said...

Every year I hear Noddy Holder from Slade shout "It's CHRIISTMAAAASSS!!" I die a little.

Jenn Thorson said...

Tiggy- I had to look him up... Cripes, he looks like some long-lost cousin of Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka.

For others who don't know him, you can see him dancing about and singing here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=niIJ9Yb-xwQ

Those are some groovy sideburns.

Greg said...

Ha ha...people in 1973 singing about the future always make me giggle a little. I think I've only heard that one maybe once or twice, thank goodness.

Really, I like almost all holiday tunes...I just wish the radio stations would be a little more thoughtful in the dispensation...you know, roll them out gradually, perhaps thematically..."It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" the first week of Dec. and maybe save "O Holy Night" for maybe the week before Christmas or so...

Jenn Thorson said...

Greg- You know, it's true-- the moment it's the day after Thanksgiving, some radio stations suddenly become All-Christmas-All-the-Time. Why can't they pace themselves a little?

DeadRooster said...

I would personally love to witness the head chopping of Wayne Newton as he sings his version of "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree"

I personally don't hate the song, but he sings it just like Brenda Lee--only, more girlish...

Jenn Thorson said...

Crimeny, Rooster-- Seriously? I have somehow managed to miss this version of the song. Or else I have just been normalizing it into being Brenda Lee, as well. :) Wayne Newton... good gad.

DeadRooster said...

Haha! I'm just joking around. I used to work with an ex-radio-DJ that would laugh hysterically when I compared Brenda Lee with Wayne Newton. I used to claim it was really Wayne that sang My Boy Lollipop when it came on the oldies station at work.

Listen to MBL and then Danke Schoen and see if you can tell the difference. They are the same person! LOL

Jenn Thorson said...

Rooster- Ah, you were testing my brainpower-- which is about nil on a Monday. :) Truly, the first time I heard Wayne Newton sing, I WAS thinking he was a female. I never quiet understood the wowed female response to him in Vegas. Maybe it's all the spangles. :)

timethief said...

I'm already tired of hearing the Christmas music that starts in early November and grinds on and on until New Years. It's everywhere and it's annoying. Remarkably I find the most annoying tunes to be the old novelty songs. I particularly tired of hearing Rocking Around the Christmas Tree, Silver Bells, I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, etc. The classic carols seem to stand up better to constant replaying than the novelty songs do, but I'm already tired of them too. It's too bad that commercialization of the season leads to early start of what is cacophonous overkill. IMO it's a seasonal turn off.

Jenn Thorson said...

TimeThief- I agree that it gets to be a bit of an all-or-nothing with this music at the holiday season. There's no in-between. That said, there really are some lovely traditional carols out there. Also I know of a few original Christmas songs that have held up well, and are very interesting. It's just those are drowned out a bit by the "novelty songs" you mention.

Chaotically Calm said...

Awl you big Bah Humbug you....how can you pull the air out of Brenda's sails? Of course after hearing Xmas music play from the day after Turkey Day until now does get a touch annoying but you gotta suffer through with a smile. And think it could always be worse. You could be trapped in an elevator and forced to listen to Britney Spears greatest hits until the fire crew can rescue you.

On a side note my personal fave is Santa Baby...it's a little risque as holiday music goes but I dig it.

PS. Love the holiday hat!

Jenn Thorson said...

ChaoticallyCalm- Well, yes, now you mention it, being stuck with Britney Spears music in an elevator WOULD be unpleasant... So, yes, that's a bright side.

Re: the holiday hat-- ah, yes, thank you! That was courtesy of Olga the Traveling Bra. She's crafty, that Olga. It was too cute to not use.

Alpha Whale said...

After all these years of hearing the same old songs, they all piss me off (pardon my french). The repeteition of those few songs over a mere week would drive me nuts, but they linger in the shopping malls for months; some seem to play them just as long as there is snow!

My substitute and means to ignore them is a good Trans-Siberian Orchestra Christmas CD or my new favourite: Bela Fleck and the Flecktones' new Christmas CD which features the Alash Ensemble (they are throat singers), it is one of the best things I've heard.

Alpha Whale said...

Oh and this is nice too: http://revver.com/video/116178/i-love-christmas/ just as long as I only watch it a few times a year, or I expect I'll grow to hate it.

Jenn Thorson said...

Alpha Whale- Heh, I was mesmerized a bit by the strange fellow in the gasmask and Santa Hat. :) I've heard good things about TransSiberian Orchestra, and know Bela Fleck's non-Christmas stuff, but didn't know there was a Christmas album as well.

Thanks for the music exchange. :)

Adullamite said...

I love the Christmas Spirit. Cheery jingling songs being played over the 'Tannoy.' Blonde brainless Bimbo's on TV telling us how 'wonderful and exiting' it all is, and the streets full of glowering, miserable people, pushing and shoving each other around, just to get the last 'must have' bargain. Happy Christmas, arguments, divorce, temper 'Peace to men of Goodwill.'

Not that I am cynical or anything like.....

Babs (Beetle) said...

Sadly, they stopped making Christmas hits because it wasn't deemed to be 'cool' now we have to suffer the same old fashioned Christmas songs year after year! Don't the idiots realize that we will all rush out and buy new Christmas music, even if we don't like it much - just for our sanity!

I put my Christmas music on the other day and it bored me to tears!

Drowsey Monkey said...

It usually depends on my mood ... if it's bad I hate all xmas music, LOL. But I did find myself humming Let it Snow in the grocery store last night. Which is weird, because I don't want it to snow.

The grandma got run over song I could do without...same with the Little Drummer boy. Especially if Bing & Bowie are singing it!

Drowsey Monkey said...

Oh yeah,nice hat!lol

Jenn Thorson said...

Adullamite- Sounds like it's already been a bit of a rough season. :) Hang in there.

Babs- It's true about doing whatever we can to not hear the same songs over and over. We get desperate! :)

Drowsey- Singing for snow in Canada seems like just tempting fate. And PS- you and your dolly friend look FAH-Bulous, dahlings!

Silly Swedish Skier Says So said...

I don't give a shit who sings it, Little Drummer Boy makes me want to stick drum sticks under their toenails and force them to kick a wall. Pa-rum-pa-pa-pum. And that part's the reason.
Feeling annoyed with holiday cards? Please visit and give me suggestions for a faux holiday letter! (please)
http://sillyswedishskier.blogspot.com

Silly Swedish Skier Says So said...

Also, I LOVE "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas"

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

We must find the evildoer who is Rick Rolling everybody with Brenda Lee and we must cut them! We'll search every out house, cat house, whatever-else-house-that-Tommy-Lee-Jones-says-in-that-movie and silence the bastards!

Jenn Thorson said...

SwedishSkier- I will check it out tomorrow morning when I'm not on dial-up! I had no idea so many people hated the Little Drummer Boy in all his iterations! And I haven't heard the Hippopotamus song.

But then I wouldn't because all I hear is Brenda Lee.

Nanny Goats- Heh, you win for Best Extraneous "Fugitive" Reference Related to a Christmas Post. :) And it really is pretty much the music version of RickRolling, you're right.

Maybe that will at least make me laugh the next time I hear the thing. :)

Lidian said...

I agree, Brenda needs to sit down already and chill out.

I really dislike the Little Drummer Boy, and there's also a number by Bruce Springsteen, I'm blocking on the name (not surprisingly) that I hate.

It's like being hit on the head over and over, isn't it? Or on the ears, really.

Jenn Thorson said...

Lidian- It really is a bit like Manchurian Candidate programming-- heh, hearing the same thing over and over again until you crack. :)

I can't think of the Bruce Springsteen song, but I know which one you mean. I'm actually not a big fan of The Boss, so that just adds to it for me.

But Brenda. Brenda may be a very nice lady. But she has to go. :)

ettarose said...

Feliz Navidad gets on my last freakin nerve. I do not speak Spanish so I have to mumble French or some such crap.

Jenn Thorson said...

Ettarose- Heh, now THAT image makes me smile. Maybe you can work in some pig-latin or Klingon or something... give it a new flair.

Shieldmaiden1196 said...

I'm in a women's chorus, and thus obligated to sing not only 'Rockin Around the Christmas Tree' but a super-jazzy 'babba-du-bop-bop-wow!!" Manhattan Transfer version of 'Let it Snow' that makes me want to choke the arranger until I am staring into his lifeless eyes.

For some reason, the 'Christmas time is here' thing from Charlie Brown depresses the bejeebus out of me. Always has.

Shieldmaiden96 said...

Oh, funny story about that damned 'Christmas Shoes' song..I was on an airport shuttle van to Philadelphia airport once and the driver, a grizzled, cranky, not much to say sort of guy, had the country station on. That song came on somewhere on I-95 at just the right spot; we heard the whole thing in the van and it ended just as we pulled into the terminal. He got out of the van and it was obvious he'd been crying...I looked at the people behind me in the van and ALL of them were crying too. Jeez.

Chat Blanc said...

I would love to see the chipmunks take her hostage! and then we could send them all to the north pole and let the overworked elves have a go at them. ;)

rj said...

Lidian and Jenn -
Is it "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"? I can hear the Boss nasally breathing in my ear as I type it.

I'm from a town where a DJ found out he was being fired and decided to just spend his last 8 or so hours of work locked in the booth playing "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer". The fire department that showed up to see if he had died was less than amused.

And the rest of us were nauseous, because it was the station most of the stores had as their default on the sound system. From small gift shop to department store to the hardware shop to candy store, everything was grandma carnage all the time.

Jenn Thorson said...

ShieldMaiden- Oh, I have never been able to deal with Manhattan Transfer Christmas stuff-- I feel for you (and also admire your ability to write out that scat!). It's hysterical that Christmas Shoes song gets everybody like that. Intentionally manipulative, I say! :)

Sandy- Someone ring Alvin, stat! We have a Christmas tripe emergency! (why am I seeing the Chipmunks swing in on ziplines??)

RJ- YES! That's it-- "Santa Claus is Coming to Town! Thank you.

The grandma carnage story was seriously funny. So wrong.

Jay said...

Pet hates? 'Frosty the F .. *ahem* ... the Snowman', and Aled (won't somebody please gag him?) Jones singing 'Walking in the Air' both make me instantly homicidal.

And that little .. boy? girl? ... who screeches his/her way through 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' should be exiled (maybe to Jupiter) and all the recordings melted down to make ear plugs. It would be a public service.

I do love 'Santa Baby', though - especially Eartha Kitt's version! I've adapted the words to that one, many times, in my head. LOL!

Melanie said...

I can do without 'White Christmas' and 'Let it Snow'. Both are insanely annoying when you're shoveling white $h*^.

Jingle Bells drives me INSANE!!! I have three children who took piano lessons when they were small and of course that is the first Christmas song you learn on the piano, over and over, and over and... right now George Strait is singing it to me and I find it annoying even when good ol' George does it.

For the most part I absolutely love Christmas music though, and usually can't wait to play my stacks of Christmas cds. Then again, I don't get out much and don't have to listen to it in store and at work.

Jenn Thorson said...

Jay- And let me guess to whom you've adapted Eartha Kitt's "Santa Baby"... Hm... that's a rough one... :)

Melanie- Let it Snow is always hysterical to me when I'm down in Florida at Thanksgiving and they start cranking that up Black Friday in 80 degree temps. "Let it Snow" folks, yeah, dream on.... :)

tanya said...

I love Santa Baby, Eartha or Madonna.

Bruce singing Christmas would have to go. Oh I know the song that absolutely makes me want to wrap a Christmas ribbon around the singers throat. Wilson Phillips does a song (mind block sorry) that was on every cd we'd get for the retail stores.

The Christmas music in the stores and on the radio is why I'm on the funny haha Christmas music channel on the computer. I"m laughing my way thru the holidays. :)

tanya/chyna said...

OK I got another one "All I want for Christmas" by Spike Jones or RuPaul. I find the whistling thing just gets on my last nerve!

Melanie said...

Ok, if you think Little Miss Dynomite is nauseating when she's bopping around the Christmas tree, you ought to hear her when she's taking a stroll in a "A Marshmallow World". Gag!!!!
I pulled out some old Christmas casssettes that were Grandma's and that song was on one of them. Just terrible.

Oh, and I was going to say, my grandmother when she was alive, got a big giggle over "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer."

Jenn Thorson said...

Tanya- Hm, I don't think I remember the Wilson Phillips song, but I'm really starting to believe that these 80s singers are the curse o' death when it comes to Christmas songs.

With the exception of one Annie Lennox does, which escapes me currently. Annie's was good.

PS- RUPAUL singing Christmas? Oh MY.

Melanie- Guess you'll be ensuring Grandma keeps her songs to herself, eh? :) It's excellent she had a good sense of humor of the Reindeer assault.

That's a bit like my Grandma Edna thinking it was hilarious when Aunt Edna died and got tied to the roof rack in the Vacation movie. :) Talk about your good sports!

Hayley said...

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=rPuRA1rZuTA

Check this version out (which seems to be played at least once an hour here at this time of year) and you'll be on your knees begging and pleading to see Brenda bopping around that tree! ;)

xxx

Jenn Thorson said...

Hayley- Oh, the atrocities just keep coming... What a combination in that one... I prefer to continue to think of Mel Smith as the Albino in A Princess Bride, I think. :)

PS- I still will not beg for Brenda. :)

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