Rooting for Gray Hair


I found my first gray hair today. It shines, silvery and sly among the red and the roots. And since I’d been crafting with glitter lately, I initially thought it was just some adventurous sparkles who’d taken a Manifest Destiny view of my person. Like those times where multiple skin-scouring showers still somehow don’t remove Paint-on-the-Elbow.

But it wasn’t adventurous sparkles. It was built-in.

I’d been expecting this for a while, admittedly. I mean, it’s not like I’m really all that young anymore, just incredibly, irretrievably childish. And my mother had some grays in her thirties, too.

So today, I give you “Top Ten Reasons Why This Gray Hair is Wicked Cool.” Because I am an optimist (read: delusional) and it’s no fun living in delusion... er, optimism... all by yourself.

So here goes--

1.) It’s the start of a rock-chick streak like Bonnie Rait has. Or Rogue of the X-men. And if it’s the latter, does it come with super powers? Because, you know, I’ve been wanting THOSE since I was about five.

2.) When I’m entirely gray, it will be so much easier to go from there to platinum blonde. Then I can begin my life-long dream of being a fifth-rate Marilyn Monroe impersonator in Vegas. I mean, I can sing, “Happy birthday” off-key, I’m already in need of losing some pounds, and have some fake diamond jewelry which, while not my best friend, is at least a mild acquaintance. Seen at a distance by seriously drunk people, I might just have a future.

3.) I can call it my Lucky Gray, and bring it with me to Bingo to increase my odds of winning. Okay, so I don’t currently PLAY Bingo. But this gives me a reason to start.

4.) I can point to it in stores in an attempt to get Senior Citizen discounts. Think of the SAVINGS!

5.) With age comes wisdom. So I am one step closer to being wise. All-knowing. Yoda, even. (No wait, that would be gray and mostly bald. And green. Nevermind. "Like this plan, I do not.")

6.) It is not actually a gray from aging. It’s from fear of an incident in my past so terrifying my mind blocked it out. And in order to learn what it is, I must go on a quest to reveal the exciting details. The book sales and movie rights alone will pay for retirement.

7.) I can pluck it out and knit it into a sweater for extra glitter. Once I learn to knit.

8.) I can sell it on Ebay claiming Britney Spears is aging before her time.

9.) Now I can write deep, dark poetry in angst of fleeting time and fading youth, like the Romantic poets Byron, Keats, Coleridge and Shelley. And look how that worked for them. Sure, they all died by the time they were 30, but a good angst goes a long way to cool in some circles.

10.) I should take consolation in that, while I may be going gray, at least I haven't been forever immortalized in photographs posing in a silver foil hula skirt like the gals up top...
A little gray hair, I can live with.

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Humor keeps you young. The folks at Humor-blogs swear they're still all natural blondes, brunettes and redheads.

15 comments:

Sujatha said...

Don't live with it, Jen! Think henna.

Jenn Thorson said...

What, you mean my top ten list didn't CONVINCE you, Sujatha, of how FUN and EXCITING this is?...

Okay, me neither. I'm buying the Clairol today. :)

Sujatha said...

I was quite convinced about the virtues of grey hair for years, except at my sister's wedding when I realized that of all my cousins and aunts, I was the only one with conspicuous grey. That's when I wilted and gave in.
Even then, I refuse to use Clairol and stick with henna powder from the local Indian grocery soaked overnight. It works just fine, but the reddish tint it gives might work better with your natural hair color, if you were to try.

MadMerv said...

Make it your one and only.

Vallen said...

Why don't I send you my few so your stash, and therefore your luck and power will be all that much more... well, lucky and powerful

Jenn Thorson said...

Ha, Merv, I like the way you think!

And Vallen, that's very kind of you, but I wouldn't want to deprive you of your, um, luck and power. :)

Sujatha- Ah the Indian grocery... where there is bound to be samosas... wonderful, wonderful samosas... (I'd probably come out with no henna and all nan and samosas.)

Greg said...

As we have sadly, not yet met, I had until now only suspicions about your Built-In Sparkle...

...and now here's proof! Congrats and condolences on this new landmark...Emily G. and I have both been discovering a little gray around our muzzles this past year and vowed not to make a huge deal out of it.

But this is silver, obviously, not gray...and therefore, way cool!

Happy Friday!!

Greg said...

Good luck with the super-powers...

; )

Claire said...

I had this one random grey hair for ages, now a few others have joined in. It is crap! Thank god i already chemically enhance my locks :)

the old schoolhouse said...

it could be worse my cousin sprouted a moustash she said she looked like a mexican revolutionary isnt mother nature wonderful angie

Rose Mary said...

Enjoy the one gray hair, Jenn!! It will soon have company!

My grandmother refused to have gray hair. When she was 86, she would get my mother to help her dye her hair red. She didn't want the nurses to know that she had gray hair! My mom tried to reason with her, but she was convinced that she never aged after her fortieth birtday:)

R~Mary

Lynn@ The Vintage Nest said...

Girl you are so over the top funny. I am honoring your tag of writing about a book I have read and writing about you on my blog as we speak. :) Lynn

Jenn Thorson said...

Greg- I THOUGHT you might be all on board with the Superhero thing. :)

Claire- Aw, that IS unfair. But here's to Fake Redhead Power!

Angie- WAY too funny. I'm suddenly feeling very consoled about my lack of Mexican Revolutionary stylin'. Thanks!

Rose Mary- Like your grandmother, my mom refused to admit she aged. She would tell people she was "plenty-nine." :)

Lynn- Thanks so, so much for spreading the word about the new blog. That's above and beyond the call, my friend. But hugely appreciated. I left you a note at YOUR home base, as well.

Virtually Sweet said...

If you promise not to tell, I am past my first gray. In fact, I told my friend that it's getting out of control because I found two in a single search! Yes, two. On my head. At the same time. Well, until I plucked them, of course! But I know now that time is running out before I can legitimately enjoy a senior discount. ;)

timethief said...

I smiled all the way through reading your post. Most of my friends have gone gray during the last 5 years. I found my first gray hair after a struggle with a devastating illness. The good news is I won my life back from the grim reaper! Following that I developed a really cool silver flower over my right eye. I have no intention of coloring it. It's shiny and soft and people tell me it looks great. I secretly admire it in the hall mirror whenever I put on a jacket or coat.