To My Aspiring Young Jedi Friend: Google Not-- Do

I have a new friend. He doesn't know me, and well, I don't really know him, either.

But the vision that has evolved of him over the past few days has warmed my heart.

He is a Google searcher, who has gone to my post, The "Force This!: Jedi Simulation Correspondence Course" four times now. And for three of those times, he has used the following set of keywords:

"how to get the force in you like a real jedi"

I love him. And I don't know what I love more, the "how to get the force in you" or the heavy, optimistic implications of "like a REAL jedi."

I picture this eight-year-old boy who's devoted himself to Jedi research, hoping to best his besties over the summer by coming back to school in Fall sporting a serious Jedi mind trick.

Will Moose Martin be giving him swirlies again in the boys' room come September?

Will Reed and Harrison, Jr. and Big Andre be cornering him in the lunchroom and stealing his SunnyD again?

And will Mr. Renfrew be lecturing him on sitting still in class even though he has a note from his mom about the ADD and the peanut allergies and everything?

No. Because he will have uncovered the secrets to getting the Force in him like a real Jedi.

And he knows, if the information were out there to show him how to unlock ancient, mystical intergalactic powers, there could be only one place you would find it:

Through Google.

So you can imagine my delight when after witnessing his two days of relentless searching, I saw my wonderful new friend had amended his search to try to get more specific results:

"what does the force look like on your hand like a jedi"

Because, as any kid knows, having the wrong hand gesture is the only thing that stands between us and proper superpowers.

I mean, I recall knowing deep in my soul that the reason I could not explode in a flaming ball of special effects and come out wearing my superheroic Wonder Woman outfit was because I was not spinning around properly.

It was either not fast enough, not slow enough, my balance was off... something. I just wasn't doing it right. Otherwise, right now I would be typing this from my Invisible Jet.

(The Jet has wireless these days. C'mon, you know it.)

This is kid logic, and it fills my soul with joy. It is the essence of summer. The days of long hikes, and good friends, and magic, and playing pretend. It is a glimpse into a world I didn't quite think existed any more.

Perhaps it does, only now it's supported by online research.

So to my new friend, I say, have fun but don't forget to embrace the inner-Jedi you already have inside... Through your quest, you have proven to be resourceful and determined, qualities that will help you well in life on this planet.

And if, instead, you happen to be a 30-year-old man living in your mother's basement, please-- don't tell me. I never did perfect that Wonder Woman spin; I don't think I could take another big disappointment.

14 comments:

Tricia said...

I'm so with you on this one.

Let's definitely pretend it's an adorable child, and not a fat, sweaty guy who has never been laid.

Jenn Thorson said...

Tricia- Given the wording, I'm pretty sure it's a kid. The alternative is too scary.

But that's the internet for you.

Jaffer said...

I forget kids are on the internet too !

When you tweeted about it, I thought it was some East Asian fellow looking for an alternative to Tai Chi.

Ok, I am kidding. My Apologies to All Tai Chi Practising East Asians.

When I was younger, I wanted to be like the Bionic 6.
I'd make a watch & ring out of paper and go ... Bionic ... on on on...

Duh ! I was still a short fat kit instead of Karate 1.

Jenn Thorson said...

Jaffer- I love your Bionic 6 imagery. Funny how "getting superpowers" and "making arts-and-crafts" have so much overlap.

Janene said...

Oh.My.God. As hard as I tried and as long as I practiced, I couldn't perfect the Wonder Woman spin either! Like you, I'm going to pretend the googler is some young fella, too. It seems much sweeter and so much less pathetic that way. Cute post, Jenn!

Jenn Thorson said...

Janene- The elusive Wonder Woman spin. Half the girls in the late 70s/early 80s were completely dizzy from trying.

laughingmom said...

"what does the force look like on your hand" - are you sure that this kid isn't playing too much with his "light saber?"

Lisa Gail Green said...

That's so awesome!! Unfortunately I can't be anything but disturbed that someone found my blog by searching "how to make a real whorecrux" because it's frightening on so many levels... :(

Jenn Thorson said...

Laughingmom- Heh, you never know. But given his first search, my guess is we're okay.

Lisa- HAAA. LOVE the spelling on that. Priceless.

Willy said...

Willy thought he had a force with him this morning - but it passed.

10-4 Willy

Chris@Knucklehead! said...

Funny you added that last bit because my first thought was, "It's probably some 23-year old MIT student trying to figure out a way to cheat on his physics final.

But if it's a little kid, that story is adorable. Reminds me of when my son was 8 and he made a wishing well wish for the ability to breathe fire.

Imagine his disappointment.

Robert Crane said...

sorry jennson and sorry to all those dreamers who imagine this may have been the workings of a young mind in the throes of fantasy, but alas, it is not.

it is true. it is i who sought out your wisdom, and although not fat, i am a tad sweaty. and i will discover the answer. some day. and let those, who mock my pursuit, continue to live their partially realized lives, as mine will surely be fully. some day.

Kelly said...

My sister would play "Wonder Woman" in the back yard. Meanwhile, I would play "Batman" with a blanket cape. This happened just an hour ago. What fun we had.

Your Jedi/search post has given me much to ponder. I will meditate upon all that has been said and dwell upon it all with the Force of a mighty wind erupting from the butt of Yoda.

Ekim941 said...

I can't believe you can tell the age of your readers based on the stats, that's a really cool trick. Tell me, what number am I thinking of?