UnderWHERE?!

There are many unexpected moments in life for the not-quite-caffeinated. I'm about to tell you all a tale I probably will regret sharing. But never let it be said that I don't give my all for the sake of this humor blog.

It started with my two young cats, Harry and Alice, who have this morbid fascination with my spidery, cluttered, musty, dusty basement.

It is a hotbed of excitement for them down there, where multi-legged waterbugs and arachnids duke it out for total house domination...

Where clothes are stored that are so out-of-style they're right on the cusp of a comeback...

And where paints and tiny eye-screws are just waiting for some curious paws to rattle them around and potentially ingest them, meriting a nice emergency trip to Mr. Vet.

I do not let my cats go down there. So naturally, this is the place they want to be the mostest in the entire world.

True to the cat dominance found in most human-feline relationships, I've found the only time I'm able to successfully slip down there without fending off unwanted furry accompaniment is when they're engaged in their second favorite activity: stuffing themselves with catfood like they were ravenous tigers at an all-you-can-eat gazelle bar.

I tell you all this because I had done a load of laundry and thought this morning's kibblefest would be the perfect time to duck into the basement to pick it up. It happened to be a load of underwear.

But when I came upstairs, the cats had decided to ignore their previous gorgetime protocol and wait at the door for an opportunity to sneak into the basement, choosing that over even the joys of Salmon-Tuna Fusion flavor.

It was as I bolted the door (I have to bolt it since Alice has figured out how to open the door on her own) and I entered the livingroom with my arms full, when a single pair of bikinis fell from my arms...

And promptly disappeared. Blink. Poof.

Now the laws of physics said they really should have been lying right there at my feet, and yet, in a split second they were gone, vanished into the ether. I hadn't had coffee yet and simply couldn't make sense of the thing.

Until I glanced into the kitchen. Because there, in the kitchen, at his bowl, munching away happy as can be, possibly humming a purry little tune to himself, was my boy Harry... with a pair of pink bikinis around his neck and waist like some demented Elizabethan collar and one-piece swimsuit ensemble.

Maybe I need to watch fewer episodes of Project: Runway. The cats, I think, are getting ideas.

22 comments:

Junk Drawer Kathy said...

OMG, Jenn. That vision of Harry in my head is too cute. I love how he took just enough time out of his busy eating schedule to steal your clothes and get right back to business. You should be proud. He's learned how to multi-task.

Jenn Thorson said...

Kathy- It was SO FAST. The fact he was not going to let being tangled up in clothing deter him from his breakfast was impressive. :)

Boom Boom Larew said...

Well done, Harry... well done! Gotta love a guy who helps out with the laundry, even if there's some cross-dressing involved.

Jenn Thorson said...

Larew- I should see if he's willing to help fold.

Jaffer said...

Oh underwear ... OH Bikini ! (Imagining Jenn in Bikini)

Ahem (Back to reading post...)

Gotta love Harry. He is so open about where he stands ;-)

Jenn Thorson said...

Jaffer- (strategically ignoring the bikini comment :) ) Cats are nothing if not comfortable with themselves. :)

Jaffer said...

"strategically ignoring"

Does that mean you can't ignore it ?

June O'Hara said...

Your cat is adorable and, dare I say it? your underwear flatters him. Also, I love your way with words. Total house domination, Elizabethan collar, salmon-tuna funsion (well, that might or might not be yours)-- the whole post amused me no end.

Jenn Thorson said...

Jaffer- Trying to, anyway. :)

June- Oh, thank you. Harry's a sweet little fellow-- if turbo fast. I honestly don't know if the food is a salmon-tuna fusion flavor, but I do know Harry has fish breath when he's done eating. Glad you got some chuckles. :)

unfinishedperson.com said...

I have to say as a fellow blogger that I'm disappointed in this post.

Not because of the content.

But the lack thereof.

Namely, a photo of the actual event. :)

Where is it? Huh? Huh? In this day and age with cameras on cell phones, no excuse. :) By the way, though, I still think it was a funny post...and I'm sure you were just waiting for my approval (rolling eyes).

Jenn Thorson said...

UnfinishedDude- Yeah, one of my friends asked me if I took pictures, and I admit that I was not caffeinated enough to even THINK of it-- making me an embarrassment to the world of blogging.

meleah rebeccah said...

Okay, that was too funny! I wish you had taken a photo of your cat Harry, with a pair of pink bikinis around his neck and waist like some demented Elizabethan collar and one-piece swimsuit ensemble!!

Babs-beetle said...

Now I really think a photo of this would have been a real treat for us :)

Jenn Thorson said...

Meleah and Babs- I regret I missed the opportunity. I also realize, looking here on my desk, that my camera was here at work.

Also, I probably laughed myself silly for about ten minutes.

He must have had them on well before they hit the floor-- it was just a nanosecond.

Katherine said...

Love it! My dog has gotten caught in my bra before, but never in anything as good as panties...I guess cats are smarter!

nonamedufus said...

I've never had that problem with my cats. They do love lying on top of the dirty clothes in front of the washing machine, though. It's such an effort to keep them away from my bikini underwear. But so far so good.

ReformingGeek said...

Hilarious! Our cats provide such wonderful entertainment and blog fodder.

I was amused when my cat dragged a bra to the hall. At least he wasn't wearing it. :)

Daisy said...

I am very jealous, because I still do not know how to wear underwears.

Deray said...

Have you tried a laser pointer yet? I guarantee another blog post or 3 ;-)

Madge said...

I love it when my pets wear my clothes cute post :) How did you get pink simple green?

PS- If Harry is fixed he shouldn't eat food with fish in it, can lead to bladder problems.

Ben said...

Absolutly brilliant, got to say it seems you cats give you a little bit more entertainment than mines do, my cats mainly like to lie about and do nothing funny! Awsome blog!

Melody said...

I love his expression. He looks so pleased with his bright, pretty new outfit!