Now that I think about it, I am one-step from making myself sit in the corner and taking away my own TV privileges.
And, yes, I am an adult, and yes, I do run my own life, and no, I can't MAKE me do it, dammit, if I don't want to...
But yet the logical, frugal part of my brain honed by ever-haunting Mom-Guilt keeps saying there are starving kids in Africa...
And they'd be glad to have those freezer-burned mushroom burgers and that steam-and-serve Mexicali Rice Blend that tastes like a bad tourism opportunity.
Whereas I am just a wasteful supper snob... dinner diva... um, epicurean elitist... and I should stop whining and eat the friggin' stuff and get it over with because it's taking up space and leaving no room to hoard Trader Joe's Lamb Vindaloo.
So every night lately, I've made myself dinner with a sense of dread and just a little self-loathing. Because I've been forcing myself to finally eat all those half-opened-and-never-enjoyed frozen foods that seemed like such a great idea when I was in the store-- but which constitute multiple servings of Not-So-Much.
So there are healthy non-meat sandwich patties which are labeled hopeful things like "Chiquenesque." And there are "blends" of mysterious vegetables, and "blends" of ambitious grains, and "blends" of blended blends, which I have since learned translate to mean: "foods which are not yum alone, so they hang out in groups because misery loves company."
It is like the Land of Misfit Toys without the musical number.
Tonight's menu will either include "little pastry-wrapped hot dogs whose deceptive cuteness disguises their hidden texture of hiking boot and leg sinews"....
Or a "cheese and broccoli soup," which lists the broccoli last because when you've taken a pot of of cheese powder and water and waved it over a broccoli field, so it gains a brocc-ish essence, you cannot legally give the veg top billing.
Little known fact.
So.... hey, dinner's at six, if any of you folks want to stop by! For dessert, I can offer you a cool lemon sorbet so acidic, you can also strip furniture with it.
I know... I can't wait either!
Bring a table or chair you'd like refinished.