Because of Starving Kids in Africa and Whatnot

Now that I think about it, I am one-step from making myself sit in the corner and taking away my own TV privileges.

And, yes, I am an adult, and yes, I do run my own life, and no, I can't MAKE me do it, dammit, if I don't want to...

But yet the logical, frugal part of my brain honed by ever-haunting Mom-Guilt keeps saying there are starving kids in Africa...

Or China...

Or insert-the-country-of-choice.

And they'd be glad to have those freezer-burned mushroom burgers and that steam-and-serve Mexicali Rice Blend that tastes like a bad tourism opportunity.

Whereas I am just a wasteful supper snob... dinner diva... um, epicurean elitist... and I should stop whining and eat the friggin' stuff and get it over with because it's taking up space and leaving no room to hoard Trader Joe's Lamb Vindaloo.

So every night lately, I've made myself dinner with a sense of dread and just a little self-loathing. Because I've been forcing myself to finally eat all those half-opened-and-never-enjoyed frozen foods that seemed like such a great idea when I was in the store-- but which constitute multiple servings of Not-So-Much.

So there are healthy non-meat sandwich patties which are labeled hopeful things like "Chiquenesque." And there are "blends" of mysterious vegetables, and "blends" of ambitious grains, and "blends" of blended blends, which I have since learned translate to mean: "foods which are not yum alone, so they hang out in groups because misery loves company."

It is like the Land of Misfit Toys without the musical number.

Tonight's menu will either include "little pastry-wrapped hot dogs whose deceptive cuteness disguises their hidden texture of hiking boot and leg sinews"....

Or a "cheese and broccoli soup," which lists the broccoli last because when you've taken a pot of of cheese powder and water and waved it over a broccoli field, so it gains a brocc-ish essence, you cannot legally give the veg top billing.

Little known fact.

So.... hey, dinner's at six, if any of you folks want to stop by! For dessert, I can offer you a cool lemon sorbet so acidic, you can also strip furniture with it.

I know... I can't wait either!

Bring a table or chair you'd like refinished.

16 comments:

Nick Thomas said...

I'm sorry, I like "hiking boot and leg sinews".... I just do :)

Jenn Thorson said...

You do? Excellent!-- then I'll be heating up those little doggies and... oh, wait, you didn't mean you'd be willing to have some hiking boot and leg sinews for dinner, did you?

(Darnit.)

I thought I had a taker. :)

ReformingGeek said...

We should have a dinner party online, with all of us finishing off our icky food.

Or, better yet, let's package it up and send it to Africa.

Jaffer said...

I'll take the broccoli soup ... I'm not really that hungry.

I'll bring my last bit of betty botters better butter bat in bitter batter...

cmk said...

OMG--and I thought I was the only one that bought stuff from the grocery store that 'was a good idea at the time.' If The Husband ever goes to look in the basement freezer and poke around a bit, I think I'll be in trouble--there are far too many things that will NEVER get eaten that are stored there. Now if I can only figure out how to put some of that stuff out at the curb on garbage night...

Lili said...

This is why I typically just buy ingredients, but I will tell you of a whim purchase that worked recently: Trader Joe's has triangular butternut squash ravioli in the fridge case near the sandwich section and cheeses. Very tasty, particularly with basil pesto. Okay, even better with wine, but everything goes better with wine...

Jenn Thorson said...

Carol- Don't those starving children in Africa have enough to deal with? What with Sally Struthers weeping on them all the time and stuff.

Jaffer- Great-- the broccoli soup it is, then! Phew, glad to get rid of that!

CMK- You are NOT alone, believe me. (And I won't tell your husband. Your secret is safe here.)

Lili- Oh, that sounds good. Trader Joe's has some great stuff. I am addicted to their Indian food. They also do a great French Onion soup.

Gina said...

I think my freezer and your freezer have been having relations. Now my freezer is full of stuff I KNOW I didn't bring home! Little things like a box with four "fish" sticks and one with an eggroll and another with little "chicken" strips. At the rate they're reproducing, we could solve world hunger!

Jenn Thorson said...

Gina- That really DOES sound like my freezer... And I notice that I do NOT have any eggrolls right now among its contents...

HMMMM. Suspicious.

Da Old Man said...

Been digging in the freezer, and fridge, so tonight we are having some mysterious package labeled "seafood" and some rice that Uncle Ben would bever claim as his.
Pray for me.

Jenn Thorson said...

DaOldMan- Oh dear. I'll be sending you a stomach pump-- stat.

laughingmom said...

That's what casseroles are for - you thrown it all in with a can of cream of something soup (cheese broccoli) and you have dinner!

meleah rebeccah said...

You're a better person than I am. I could NEVER force myself to eat that. However, this cracked me up:

"little pastry-wrapped hot dogs whose deceptive cuteness disguises their hidden texture of hiking boot and leg sinews"

Too funny!

Surfie said...

I think I've had that lemon sorbet! I'm pretty sure it stripped the enamel right off my teeth. Now I feel guilty that I've got so many neglected items in my cabinets and freezer as well that I avoid at all costs but can't yet bring myself to throw out. If I leave it there I can always pretend that I'll use it one day!

meleah rebeccah said...

this cracked me up:

"little pastry-wrapped hot dogs whose deceptive cuteness disguises their hidden texture of hiking boot and leg sinews"


So what time is dinner? I'll be right over!

Melanie said...

Awww.... your mom would have been so proud of you for finishing up those leftover.. uh. foods?