Forty Years of Darkness: Day 45

Mother Nature has an incontinence problem. Or maybe she's just been glued to the Lifetime Network's latest "Beautiful-Actresses-Dying-Tragically-Yet-Finding-Last-Minute-Closure-with-their-Domineering-Mothers" movie marathon.

Either way, here in Pittsburgh it has been raining almost every day since Spring twirled onto the seasonal stage, looked around, and said, "Daffodils, this is your wake up call. Time to haul petal."

So, they grumblingly rolled out of bed. And stepped into the shower. But the shower just hasn't ended yet. Two-and-a-half months, they've been in there, singing "What's the Story Morning Glory" and there's no sign of it stopping-- even with Oasis suing for lack of public performance permissions.

I mean, I totally understand the old "April Showers Bring May Flowers" thing. But what we've been experiencing this year is not normal. If it were, there would be more sayings we'd trot out to make excuses for why we have to ScotchGuard our socks.

Phrases like: "The rains of March, they quench the larch."

"Monsoons in June, mean blooms kaboom."

Or "February showers bring March flooding of the Mon Wharf parking lot due to too-rapid snow melting, causing commuter tensions in an already challenging downtown parking situation."

You know, catchy stuff like that.

But it's not just the rain. It's the darkness. The kind of perpetual darkness that no amount of coffee will cut through. There is not enough coffee in the world when 10 in the morning every day looks like the lighting set-up for Blade Runner.

Now, me, I am one of those unnaturally pale people that really shouldn't be out in any kind of direct sunlight or, I don't know, stand next to someone like Snooki lest my skin peel off from the radiation. I probably luminesce on my own. But that doesn't mean I don't want to see that warm, golden stuff shining down on us at least once before the fall school supplies are out in Target.

(Actually, that will probably be tomorrow; nevermind.)

So, I'm starting to wonder what's next, friends? The Three Rivers boiling with blood? A plague of locusts sweeping the city? (Stinkbugs have already beat them to that.) High winds and a record number of tornadoes wiping out whole--

Oh... okay. Fine: points to you, Mom Nature. You've proven you can still mix it up with the best of 'em.

I guess the only thing we can do is adapt. Like those see-through, sightless crustaceans that live in caves.

Finally, I'll have a chance at not blinding everyone come summer shorts season. So... hey, silver lining!

22 comments:

Shieldmaiden96 said...

The Yellow Face. It burns us, Precious. Do not speak of it.

Jenn Thorson said...

Shieldmaiden- Ah, yes- you who share my bioluminescent complexion...

Hey, do you think we're just the first examples of this evolution?! That'd be cool.

Deray said...

And on the other side of the country, record heat, summer hasn't started and I'm already tanned. And, I don't tan! I also burn ;-)

Jenn Thorson said...

Deray- Oh no! You need one of those old timey parasols to protect yourself. Or SPF 50. :)

Libdrone said...

oh Jenn. Thanks for a wonderful bout of laughter. So nice to see you on Twitter this morning.

nothingprofound said...

Same thing here in New York.

"Gray skies, nothing but gray skies,
From now on."

Hope it's not a repeat of four summers ago, when we didn't see the sun or a warm day until the middle of June.

Jenn Thorson said...

Libdrone- And you! Glad you got a chuckle today.

NP- Oh, I remember that summer. It was grim. And you poor folks had WAY more snow than we got this year-- it was relentless for anyone further east.

ReformingGeek said...

So sorry about the gloom.

Ugh.

We are having drought, wind, fires, and unusually warm temps. Yeah, I think I just saw a swarm of locusts.

laughingmom said...

Yes we pale ones must adapt. We evolve into the orange-palmed uprights who attempt to use self-tanners with little luck.

Barry said...

There are those of us who have to have sunlight to avoid depression as scientific fact.

Jenn Thorson said...

Reforming Geek- So we're building an ark, you're dealing with fire and bug plague, others have tornado damage... WHAT. IS. UP.?!

Barry- I am one of those people. I have a light box. I suspect I will still want it when I evolve to go completely transparent. :)

Jenn Thorson said...

Laughing Mom- Ah, another one of my porcelain sisters! Welcome! (Resist the temptation to orange... Citrus skin suits no one. :)

meleah rebeccah said...

Oh yes, it's been raining an awful lot over here in NJ too, but not nearly as much as what you've been getting.

"Monsoons in June, mean blooms kaboom."

That made me laugh out loud.

Kelly said...

I can totally relate. Spring should be called Monsoon season. It only lasts a couple weeks and all it does is rain. Last night we were overwhelmed by rain, flooding, tornadoes and wind gust up to 90 mph. Winter lasted 6 months here for the first time in a long time. I called it The Ice Age.

Hey, I loved your sayings. Quite catchy, indeed. :)

MAFW said...

I had to go at incontinence. It was a bit dreary at the old reary. Pittsburg..*hitsburg. Sorry, all that talk about the rain made me a bit grouchy. Hope it brightens up soon!

Jenn Thorson said...

Meleah- Plus you got ginormous amounts of SNOW this year, too. Which just adds to all the fun.

Kelly- I know, we go right from winter to summer, usually. Only this year we have the Monsoons.

MAFW- Heh, looks like somebody has a case of them, um, Wednesdays. :)

PhotoDiction said...

The dreary days of spring do seem to contradict the whole "it's time for re-birth" feelings that we so look forward to, especially after our Canadian winters. I was saying to my wife the other day that the rainy, grey days are more mindful of November than spring! Bring on the sun, eh?

Jenn Thorson said...

PhotoDiction- I was actually saying the same thing to a friend yesterday, about it being more like fall than spring. And yes, I imagine with your brutal Canadian winters, you all long for spring even more than we do in the Northern US.

Bring on the sun!

Greg said...

Its been hit or miss here in Indiana. we had a crazy storm that flooded the basement of our apartment building, but today thankfully the sun is out and sky is perfect and clear blue.

A clear blue sky just lifts one's spirits.

JaneneMurphy said...

Ugh. It's the same way in Iowa. Mother Nature teased us with some gorgeous summer-like weather. A week later? SNOW. For the last week and a half it's just beeen gloom, gloom, gloom.

I want the sun. NOW!

Faith said...

Hola Jenn,

While I have what some might call a natural tan I too would like to see the sun. If only for a minute, I'd be overjoyed. I keep telling people about the April showers but it doesn't seem to be working anymore...especially since in place of showers I'm saying flash flooding...it's the same yet different!

Kelly said...

We're gonna break the all time flood record here in the Ohio River valley in a couple days. And that's saying something. It will not stop raining. I'm thinking about building a friggin' ark. I also stopped by to tell ya I added ya to my blogroll. Whoopee! lol. Take care, Jenn.