It's a humor blogger's dream. And it's got everything...
And Men (2.5, to be specific).
But today I will not write about the very public mental implosion of Charlie Sheen-- thespian, comedian and, um, vengeance-filled warlock.
See, that would be just so easy. And here at Of Cabbages and Kings, the Cabbage likes to take the road less traveled.
(I mean, it kinda has to take the road less traveled. It's a leaf vegetable. It has no legs. And rolling in the center of a busy highway is just asking for trouble.)
So today I will not talk about Charlie Sheen.
I will not make jokes about how "Two and a Half Men" wasn't meant to refer to the total number of people starring in the sitcom...
It's the number of distinct personalities in Charlie Sheen's head. (I think of it like the Three Faces of Eve" but downsized.)
I will not make cracks about how if Mr. Sheen does, indeed, have "tiger blood" as he states then perhaps he's right-- he doesn't need AA...
Just a good vet.
I will not suggest that because of his "Adonis DNA," this living god simply cannot OD or die of liver cancer or venereal disease, as so many of us have predicted.
Charlie is immortal. So long as he gets a restraining order on all wild boars, and doesn't piss off Artemis, he's golden.
Because I won't write about Charlie Sheen, I will not point out that if Charlie Sheen has "always had a plan and have always executed it perfectly" as he suggests, then how does he account for this choice of haircut?
Or The Three Musketeers?
I will not say any of these things. Because my non-rockstar-warlock mind simply cannot process the wonder properly.
Plus, I can't afford a curse on the blog. I have to think of you, the safety of my nice readers, first.