A commercial this morning taught me some new, very eye-opening negatives about coffee.
Apparently, you have to:
- Make it
- Wait for it
- Fuss with it
- Carry it around along with a briefcase and overcoat nearly spilling it upon your person
Or-- if you are unable to manage the painful inconvenience of those-- you must:
- Stand in line for it.
While admittedly I have wished at times that caffeine could be injected directly into my veins-- particularly on those mornings where routine bloodwork becomes a temporary barrier to myself and glorious, life-giving java-- I had never considered the burden it is to actually make some of the stuff appear in a cup in my hand every day, and keep it there until safe consumption is complete.
But 5 Hour Energy tells me this is true. So I feel kinda like a powerhouse of get-it-doneness just for making this extraordinary personally-challenging event happen each morning!
The benefit of their product, 5 Hour Energy suggests, is in its instant gratification.
Just pop it open and chug. Unless you don't have any in the house because you couldn't remember to buy any. Like the coffee. In which case you have to:
- Drive to the store
- Figure out where the frig the store stocks it
- Wait in line for it
- Wait until the cashier scans it
- Yank it out of her hand before she puts it in the bag
- Rip open the lid, which hopefully is easier to do than those little creamer containers you get with your coffee which usually end up squirting you in the eye
- Drink it
- Pause for harsh words from other shoppers for holding up the line while chugging your on-the-go jolt of non-coffee instead of...
- Paying for it.
Technology has given some of us rare, lucky individuals this thing called the Coffeemaker with Timer. When properly programmed, it is the discreet butler of caffeine, the Jeeves of Java. And it allows for that beautiful brew to come to life without proximity to a lifeform with active brain cells.
It's neat that way.
Now, it may not eliminate the obvious fussing and gravity problems associated with coffee. But it does save on time. Plus, it tastes so good with breakfast foods...
Like pre-sliced cracker-sized cheese squares and pre-fried bacon.