Spamming the Classics

Folks who follow me on Twitter might have read me talk about my recent onslaught of spam comments every hour on the hour, featuring the many exciting facets of multi-layered personality, Kim Kardashian.

Oh, we learn in fragmented English about her incomparable beauty, her friends, her personal vulnerabilities, her unique style and, of course, all of this links to shots of her in her birthday suit.

So on any given day, I can reject upwards of 20 of these Ode to Kim comments.

Earlier, it had been Carrie Prejean, the beauty contestant who caused a big hubbub by taking an anti-gay stance because of her strong Christian values... Until her Birthday Suit photos went public.

The spammers are fickle. They transfer their affections easily.

Anyway, it got me thinking about how these spam folks tend to focus on really the lowest common denominator when it comes to their favorite babes. We always are inundated with these no-talent, fifteen-minute-famers out there, built up to be some all-enduring Aphrodite for the Ages, in and out of Juicy Couture yoga pants.

Now what I'd enjoy seeing-- just to mix things up a little-- is spam promoting something with a little more longevity. Say:

Naughty Pablo Piccaso Senoritas bare it all! Watch Girl Before a Mirror in a very private moment, only before seen in museums! Her naked breasts may be wonky, but she's got style to spare and she's waiting for you!

Or maybe:
Your screen will sizzle as you download a tale of one hot desperate housewife getting it on with the local clergy in never-before-seen behind-barn-doors Puritanical action! Yes, it's Nathaniel Hawthorne's, The Scarlet Letter! Click here to view.

Or even:

It was banned. It was burned. This is the film based on the book no one wanted you to see...

To Kill a Mockingbird. Watch wanton hussies inviting you in to "bust up their chiffarobe"! In this steamy south, anything can happen!

A little spam variety. That's all I ask.

Oh, I still won't approve it. But a gal can only hear so much about the gorgeousness and all-around perfection that is Kim Kardashian before she starts to get just a tad jealous.

So what's your most entertaining spam?

PS- Folks, just as a heads-up, I'm taking Friday off from Cabbages and will resume posting again next week. My bud Josette of Thorson/HADLEY heavy metal fame is visiting over the holiday weekend and I've decided to give myself a mini-vacation from blogging as well.

Hope you all have a great Memorial Day!


Moooooog35 said...

This one is my favorite recently:

"I light on reference an olive diversify in people round of applause, and the self-determination fighter's gun in the other. Do not hindrance the olive limb capitulate from my hand."

Preaching to the choir, my friend.

Preaching to the choir.

Jenn Thorson said...

Mooog- I can see why that one is your favorite. It really has it all!

I mean, it REALLY has it all. What "it" is, may not be clear or even not make your brain implode trying to figure it out.

But it's definitely all-encompassing.

Jaffer said...

This one is my favorite recently:

"I light on reference an olive diversify in people round of applause, and the self-determination fighter's gun in the other. Do not hindrance the olive limb capitulate from my hand."

Preaching to the choir, my friend.

Preaching to the choir.


Jenn Thorson said...

Jaffer- Great future as a spammer. Y'know, if your day-job ever falls through.

Anonymous said...

I get oodles of spam advertising erectile dysfunction miracle pills. As if!

But it's the tag lines that crack me up and make it worth the quick read. Here's a few from my junkmail folder:

Make your mechanism work!

Be a passionate sinner

Get concrete town down there

Man's charm is hardness


1nесrаsе Yоur Роеtnсу Using Оur Vigаrа Рrо Аnd (Iаlis.

Jenn Thorson said...

MadTexter- Heh, very colorful, eh?

And apparently spammers are too busy to proof their emails...

"town down" ? :) Let's go "town down" later today for pizza....

Um, no.

Shawn said...

I got quite a bit of Japanese spam during my absence. Over sixty comments on a single post. I started to delete them, but Blogger only lets you delete one comment at a time and I'm lazy. Besides, what do I know? Maybe they're all relevant and interesting.

Jenn Thorson said...

Shawn- Ah, yes- the Japanese spammer hits my other blog regularly. To put your curiosity at ease, I translated one or two once-- it didn't make a whole lot of sense.

Unfinished Rambler said...

Odd you would talk about spam as that is the subject of my next post. Now it's going to look like I'm stealing ideas from you...although if I were going to steal ideas, I'd only want to steal from the best.

Speaking of'll be back when? I don't know if I can take too much Of Cabbages and Kings withdrawal. I'm getting broken up already about it.

Jenn Thorson said...

Rambler- I think no one will worry you plagiarized-- you're safe. :)

PS- What's with all the sucking up today? :) I have no money to pay you for the positive press or anything...

I'll probably post something again Monday afternoon. I'm just treating myself to a wholly-free Friday.

Leeuna said...

Hilarious. A while ago I was getting spam about Miley Cyrus, nude. I was like "What?! I don't wanna see that!!" I Hate HATE those spammers. It takes me about an hour to clear out my blog comments each day. I don't know why they keep doing that. They know we aren't going to approve it.

Jenn Thorson said...

Leeuna- Ugh, that IS just really skeevy. I don't know why they persist, either-- I think they feel it's worth it if just one slips through.

What a mindset.

kathcom said...

I'm not popular enough to get spam. But I'm sure it's a real pain in the ass.

Speaking of asses, have you heard what Paris Hilton said about Kim Kardashian's butt? That it looks like cottage cheese in a big trash bag.

I'm sorry to sully your comments with this but somehow I've managed to make this useless comment twice today! I'm stinking up the place at Beyond Left Field, too. Talk about recycling old material!

screwdestiny said...

The only good thing about Kim Kardashian is, just like Beyonce, she makes me feel good about my big thighs. I mean, she has big thighs and she's still considered beautiful. So it makes me feel better about myself. See how that works?

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

I'm so unpopular. I never get this crap. Maybe it's because I'm on Typepad and they keep the spam out. Dang it! Maybe I'd better go to Blogger so I can get material! Either way, I like your alternatives much better. Kim Kardashian is the devil.

NZmoores said...

Two comments. First, having migrated to New Zealand in 1993, I missed the Kardashian plague upon the land. From here, it seems way worse than the Gabor sisters of a bygone era. Second, the worst recent spam followed doing something good - FB'ing to boycott BP. That led to a digital spill worse than the oil leak. Well, not worse but equally oozing...

Ladygoodwood said...

How about:
"Brief Encounter"

Come and see Manda the Minx change her underwear


The Magnificent Seven

Snow White gets ridden in Mexico by seven short men..