Helpful Tips For When You're Blogging for One

What with that big orangey, fiery thing suddenly looming up there in the sky, and leafy polleny things popping up from the ground, this has served as the annual Spring Distraction of Weeding, Sunning and Sneezing, and blog buddies report traffic has taken a dip.

But never fear! Cabbages is here!-- to help bloggers with less traffic than a One-Horse Town continue to find the fun in blogging! How? With our innovative and tasty recipes for delightful self-delusion! Why not try one today?:

  • Pretend you're actually addressing thousands per day, and the reason you don't have any traffic or comments is simply because there are so many people visiting at once the technology just can't process the data properly.
  • Post and respond to spam commenters as if their non-sequiturs about male enhancement, nude photos, and the forum you don't actually have but which they're thanking you so politely for are actually relevant to your post. Send each of them a friendship e-card
  • Comment in your own comment section, as you, responding to yourself. You will never be lonely. If you start becoming surprised at the answers, however: stop.
  • This is a great time for experimentation! So try new blogging techniques no one has attempted yet. Like--since short posts are increasingly popular-- try posting just one or two words per blog entry and watch your post count triple in an instant! You may begin a whole new trend in blogging.
  • See how many times you can use the word "meow" in a post before any of your friends become concerned. (Note: not applicable if your blog is related to cats... or you happen to be one.)
  • Create a series of posts indicating your blog has been kidnapped and asking for ransom demands. Use different fonts and type partially in caps for true believability.
  • Use this opportunity to showcase talents you might otherwise have hesitated in sharing online. Like scans of those Glamour Shots you had taken, or videos of that time you and your buddies did Karaoke. (C'mon, deep down you know your rendition of "Mandy" is a show-stopper... Why keep all of that audio gorgeousness to yourself? Your reader(s) deserve it)
Now, these tips were designed to just get you started. Here at Cabbages, we recognize there's a whole world out there of new ways to combat the crickets you hear in blogging lulls.

Want to share one of your own techniques? Just drop us a comment... or, if you've comfortably adjusted to your own company, feel free to comment to yourself in the comments field. We're always glad to hear from you... And you, too.

28 comments:

sharonheg said...

OK, OK...you got me to comment. AND to smile, LOL. Perhaps my blog can do the same for you. Go ahead...click. You know you want to.

Ah well, back to the crickets...I've named THIS one "Homer."

Jenn Thorson said...

Sharon- Heh, my regards to both you AND Homer-- I've seen him around, I just didn't know his name until now. :)

Tiggy said...

Great ideas! I tried the minimalist approach by posting no new posts for a month... and my traffic went up! My readers obviously prefer silence.

Jenn Thorson said...

Tiggy- This must be like the Twitter phenomena where No Tweets seems to equal LOTS of new followers. Tweet, and they leave in droves.

I haven't tried not posting. Sounds innovative!

lifeshighway said...

I have also noticed the short posting trend. I think it is partly because of the ease of the quick peek technique at work.

I have considered for my blog this approach: (Picture) followed by final score.

ReformingGeek said...

Meow.

Stick'm up! Give me your blog or I'll shoot!

I love the one-word post idea. Sometimes I think blogging is merging with Facebook. I'll find myself commenting Facebook posts more than blog posts. Oops.

Meow out.

Jenn Thorson said...

Life's Highway- Very streamlined approach! :) Or maybe we could put our posts like pictograms. You know, those puzzles we had as kids? Photo of a Bee + photo of a log = BLOG. :) Stuff like that.

Might mix it up a little for people who enjoy skimming.

ReformingGeek- I appreciate you being the first one to attempt some of the suggestions the way you did above. You're a true pioneer, Carole!! I think the meow is particularly effective. (Actually, seeing that totally made me laugh.)

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

OMG - how poignant this post is for me. I mean, it's aimed AT me, right? Because I haven't commented in so long? I don't know what happened. I really don't. Please refer to Wikipedia under "My dog ate my homework" for a long list of lame excuses.

Also? I've missed you.

Ann's Rants said...

Number three!

(Wait, I actually do that in my blog POSTS)

Jenn Thorson said...

Nanny Goats- Heh, no, it wasn't a guilt post. :) I haven't been visiting myself as I've been kinda crushed with actual job-work lately.

Which reminds me-- when I get a chance, I need to take a photo for you. We have a local coffee chain that is very, um, pro-goat. You need to see it. You'll laugh. :)

Ann- Do you go by Ann, Annie and Annette with your various personalities? :)

Cynthia said...

Thanks to Nanny Goats, I have yet anther goofy blog to read...as if I have the time :) Great Stuff!!!

Jenn Thorson said...

Cynthia- Welcome and delighted to have you here! You know, if we could only work out that personal cloning thing, we would all have so much more time. :)

MuseSwings said...

If NGIP says it's funny, it is. You are anyway - even if she didn't suggest I come out of my caffeine induced stupor long enough to stop on by.

Jenn Thorson said...

Muse- I actually prefer readers in at least some kind of stupor. I write the posts that way, so together we achieves a nice collective balance. :)

Babs-beetle said...

Or you could always post a blow by blow account of your latest DIY project ;)

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

I've done two and three on your list, and strongly considered several versions of the "meow" technique. Once, I also resorted to begging for comments. That made me feel really good about myself. Lately, I've given up. I think I mostly blog as a form of self-expression. At least I understand myself.

Don't I, Mike?

You sure do, bud. You're a literary genius, too. You're the Vincent Van Gogh of writers--unappreciated in your own time, a little bit psycho, but a treasure nonetheless.

Awww, thanks, Mike!

You're welcome, dude! Rock on!

Tgoette said...

Wow, some great ideas there Jenn! Personally I set my comments to automatically delete 9 out of every 10 comments posted so there's never more than a dozen or so comments for me to review. Works great and it saves a lot of time too. Plus, I think it's more humbling having fewer comments.

b..b..better that way...

Jenn Thorson said...

Babs- Heh, and I'd have most of my readers here fleeing for the hills. :) Actually, it's been pretty darned quiet on the other blog, too, considering there are about three times the number of subscribers.

Mike- Aw, poor Mike... and you also, Mike. Both of you. I understand. There, there... You're both fine writers, please don't take it to heart.

Tgoette- See, that's a great idea! This way you're never, ever disappointed. Plus a uniform number of comments per post would make folks like Monk really happy. So you'll capture the OCD crowd right away.

Surfie said...

Some great ideas here. I also like Mike's idea of posting a plea for comments. ("plea" sounds so much less desperate than "beg" doesn't it?) He didn't say if it worked.

Speaking of meowing... Have you ever seen the movie SuperTroopers? :)

Jenn Thorson said...

Surfie- YAY! You got the reference! :) I didn't know if it would totally slip by folks or not, but I kinda HAD to put it in there.

"All right, meow-- can I see your driver's license and registration? Hurry up, meow."

Jaffer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jaffer said...

#3 on one of my most popularly googled posts - just to get some comments flowing - but it didn't work. The post will be removed when I re-open

(Licking back of hand)

I always practice #1 no matter what. I have 15-20 followers on Twitter - and my account is private. It like pretending to be world leader but only of your closet !

(Scratching back of ear)

Yeah, your previous post sucked - in my opinion - 0 comments proves it - you did something right today.

(YAWN ! Stretch ! Jump on Couch ... Nap)

Jenn Thorson said...

Jaffer- :) Some cats are a really tough crowd.

Melanie said...

Cute blog. :)

But like NannyGoats, I know it's aimed at heaping the guilt on me. I've been gardening see? I thought my mother had the corner on guilt, now I get it from the blogs I read too. Oh well......

:D

Jenn Thorson said...

Melanie- The irony is, I actually wrote it instead expecting to hear from fellow bloggers like yourself, saying, "Yep, I've noticed my traffic is down, too."

Even at work, I've noticed clients are seeing a dip in stats.

CatLadyLarew said...

I'm really lovin' the ransom note idea!

Larry said...

I love this post, it put a smile on my face.. Thanks for writing it

Larry

Jewel said...

Yes I can relate to this. Love the diagram of the brain, by the way.