Aliens Among Us: Celeb and Blogger Extra-Terrestrial Candidates

A new poll suggests that one in five people believe aliens currently walk among us. Now, I normally would have sniffed at that-- citing issues with technology, red tape with astrophysics, and the fact we really don't see British Police Public Call Boxes around much these days.

But then I saw a celeb I hadn't seen for a while on a TV commercial. And it gave me pause. Perhaps there really is some merit to this theory. In fact, the more I consider it, the more I see the possibilities. How could I have been so blind?!

Here are my suggestions for just a few of the potential aliens out there, putting the "extra" into Extra Terrestrial.

• Joan Rivers. She was the one I laid eyes on and just knew, deep in my heart, that she was either an alien all along or had been supplanted and her disguise was slipping. I think the latter. Her immobile mask-like features and the new poofy, fluffed-couch cushion lips, seem to indicate the aliens used her as a suit but weren't quite sure what went where. They touched her up by crossing her visage with what they feel represents the standard for beauty these days on Earth-- a Bratz doll.
  

• Nicole Kidman. Just around the Stepford Wives production, Nicole changed. Her eyebrows no longer rest where they once did. The alien inside is clearly stretching her out. She was undoubtedly chosen for this because, given her typically non-passionate acting, they felt no one would notice.

• Renee Zellweger. This may be what the true face of the aliens looks like. She then uses a special mind-control ray so critics and reporters describe her as a "beautiful starlet," and "stunning." Note, "stunning" here may very well be a verb instead of an adjective.

• Phil Spector. 'Nuff said.

• Nicholas Cage. The solar rays are causing him to show his real age-- which is 345. This is just over middle-age for a person from his particular planet, but leaves him looking, on earth, a bit like a retiree who works out a lot, when he isn't sitting on park benches feeding pigeons.

• Andrew McCarthy. He goes from teen heart throb to Weekend at Bernies sidekick to barely recognizable cameo guest star on Monk. The aliens have gotten the voice right, but the grinning, wisecracking man inside is gone behind a soulless, small-eyed facade. This would also explain his recent unusual choices to appear in Lifetime-style dramatic pictures.

I also think there may be some blogger friends we need to take a closer look at. My suggestions are:

• Unfinished Ramber/Person/Whateverhe'scallinghimselftoday. Over the years, my buddy the Unfinished Dude has had about 12 different blogs, all sharing fractions of his vast multiple personalities. Lately, these selves even talk amongst each other sometimes for humor value-- or do they? Perhaps his body is simply host to multiple alien inhabitants. It would explain a lot. As I'm also friends with his wife and sister, they might be in a better position than I am to say whether he's really from another planet or not. But I'm just putting it out there.

• Daisy the Curly Cat. This is the only cat I know that not only blogs, but she's demonstrated intelligence and grammatical abilities far surpassing your standard LOLCat. She is also the only cat I know who openly frowns...

Something is up with the universe.

So, friends-- I'd like to hear your suggestions for the aliens who walk among us. And no fair suggesting Tom Cruise. He already admits he's a descendant from a giant alien squid named Xenu. That one's like shooting Martian fish in a liquid-bearing wooden cyllindrial apparatus.