The Land of Oz Mobile Phone Plan and Other Gadgets


The green, gruesome, disembodied head hovers over the palace room, shouting, "Who dares seek the Great and Powerful O--"

The booming voice breaks off. A synthesized version of Elton's "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" tinkles from a small curtained booth to the side.

Suddenly the Green head flushes red around the cheeks. "Oh, hang on a second-- I've got to take this call..."

The head gets a thoughtful look. "Glinda? Yeah, babe, how's the bubble bouncing? What?... Well, yes, there is a kid here in blinged-out shoes. So you sent her, huh? What's the 4-11?"

This is what crossed my mind the other day. The Wizard of Oz might have been just some humbug from Omaha with a defunct hot air balloon. But he was clever enough to create an interactive 3-D holographic projector system with surround-sound-- way ahead of its time.

So wouldn't he have been able to cash-in on other clever time-saving gadgets?

In fact-- he did!

The O.Z.-Mobile system had coverage from Munchkinland all the way to Winkie Country, breaking up slightly in the Enchanted Forest, which is why the apple trees are so sour. They have to rely on the grapevine instead. Which is the pits.

O.Z.-Mobile also has a hands-free option which is ideal, not only for keeping in touch with Winged Monkey friends and their busy schedules, but it really cuts back on costly crystal ball minutes.

The Oz-Max theaters leverage Oz's unique patented Lev-i-Head Technology for evenings of family fun. All moving pictures are in technicolor. But soon, Oz plans to unveil a whole new way of watching pictures-- black and white. He feels it will really be a sensation-- like nothing the Ozites have ever seen before!

In the Emerald City Oz-Max, you can also take in a special midnight laser light show. Here, Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon is queued up to synchronize with a popular social documentary film, a story which follows a little illegal immigrant girl, and her challenges in Oz, given she has no proper Visa and commited manslaughter upon arrival.

And lastly, the Oz-Pod portable music improv system is a compact device that goes where-ever the brick road takes you. It offers special audio projector functions to provide appropriate background accompaniment the moment you feel the urge to break into an impromptu musical number. Sing lyrics on the fly like never before, all with perfect orchestration!

Whether you're killing time waiting for an Emerald City appointment...

Whether you're celebrating a new rust-free and heart-healthy aerobics routine...

Or whether you've finally gotten that stick out of your butt and now you don't care what anybody thinks...

The Oz-Pod offers the perfect complement to your musical self-expression!

And tomorrow?... Wonderland goes High Def!

(Or, um, okay, maybe not.)
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9 comments:

lifeshighway said...

I've been listening to my oz-pod all day here at work.

Jenn Thorson said...

LifeHighway- And did you treat your coworkers to an impromptu musical number about your job? :)

lifeshighway said...

Beleive me, no one wants to be treated by my vast collection of weenie rock.

Jenn Thorson said...

Lifeshighway- I hope Weenie rock is related to Halloween and not a medley of hot dog music. :)

"He did the mash!... " everybody sing!

lifeshighway said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lifeshighway said...

Weenie Rock is even worse than The Monster Mash. I don't thank you for putting that tune in my head.

Weenie Rock is pathetic bubble gum music that is my dirty little secret.

(I can on a good day spell "believe")

Knucklehead said...

Yes, but did the Wicked Witch tweet?

@Dorothy: Surrender!

Jenn Thorson said...

Knucklehead- In the Wicked Witch's Twitter followers, I can just see the avatars-- the same flying monkey photo over and over again, except the user names are like: "MonkeysAround," "HeyHeyWeDaMonkees," "Monkey4Evil" etc.

nonamedufus said...

I didn't know that stuff. Thanks. I'll lokk for them when I play the movie and Dark Side of The Moon backwards. You forgot about the Ozphone app for the single woman. It's called "I'm melting, I'm melting..."