Oh, now you've done it. And are you ever going to be sorry! Yep, life for you is never, ever going to be the same, my friend...
And I must ask-- how can you stand to sit there reading a site which is banned in some public libraries and workplaces?
Banned for being naughty and subversive and.. er, putting the toilet paper roll on in the entirely wrong direction?
The only one-- out of even the edgiest Humorblogger sites-- to be blocked from some public places tighter than an old man's fiber-free colon?
It's befouled. Can't you feel the befoulification?
Since I heard the news my site's been blocked, I've been trying to figure out just where Cabbages and I went wrong.
I mean-- how is it that a blog that talks about things like... oh, song parodies devoted to the death of a personal computer...
And getting struck in the head with sheep on Facebook...
And what classic book authors would have written if they'd blogged...?
How is this ban-worthy material? So this is the best I can determine:
- The Neo-Tudor Spin Doctor Association and Renaissance Bake Sale-- offended at my Richard III-probably-wasn't-a-hunchback post-- launched a "Let's Smite the Pro-Ricardian Web" campaign and Cabbages became a target.
- Too many zombies. Frightened by the truth about the potential for a zombie plague, concerned parental groups wishing to turn a blind eye to possible undead infiltration, have decided to suppress critical need-to-know information regarding zombie defense and cliche prevention.
- Revenge. Revenge for the practical jokes I've played on coworkers over the years. Like the time I shrinkwrapped my supervisor's favorite pen. Or the time I kidnapped our receptionist's glass cat collection and left ransom notes. In which case, I probably deserve it.
So-- hide the children. Lock your doors. And if Old King Cole Slaw starts peering through your windows, make sure the lights are off and everyone stays really, really quiet.
But if you choose to continue on as a regular reader, well, don't say I didn't warn you! You'll want to wipe that befoulification off your hands before you head off...
Here's a nice disinfectant wipe, and a cookie. There... that's better.