I suppose it's bound to happen. Whatever your passion or trade, you get sucked into it like a nameless horror movie extra into a giant squid. Eventually, the monster of your making has digested you so thoroughly, you don't know what's you anymore and what's the squid.It's that way for me with copy editing.
All on its own and often against my will, my brain dissects every TV commercial, all product packaging, every sign, and web ad, and spam email like my salary depends on it.
This doesn't mean I myself am Grammar Goddess in my own work-- typo and flaw-free. Oh, no! Would that it were so!...
I can mis-homonym with the best of 'em!..
My prepositions cling to the end of sentences like nobody's business!...
And my infinitives are totally split, baby!
It just means I will look at an ad like the one for Ritz Crackerfuls I saw recently. Its tagline read:
Real Cheese. Real Whole Grain. Real Satisfying.
And my stupid copyediting brain automatically chimed in:
'"'Really.' It's 'Really Satisfying. The recent informal adverb use of 'real' still isn't commonly accepted as a substitute for 'really' and--"
That's when I considered hitting myself on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. Perhaps negative reinforcement might do me some good.
In other cracker issues, there was my box of Rosemary and Olive Oil Triscuits. Now, as far as my personal tastebuds go, Rosemary and Olive Oil Triscuits are Nature's (or Nabisco's) Most Perfect Food.
I mean, if I were the witch in Hansel and Gretel, I would have totally forsaken the carbs and sugar rush and gone for a stylish cottage of fragrant, savory woven snack crackers.
But Triscuit's marketing copy on that beautiful yellow box made my petty, picayune brain complain.
"We like to think of Soft White Winter Wheat as a cashmere of wheat because of its soft texture and delicious taste."
Now, I don't know about you, but while I love the softness of cashmere almost as much as I love Rosemary and Olive Oil Triscuits... I personally haven't tasted it.
I do appreciate you, Triscuit People, I truly do-- but your metaphor? It applies to moths.
Then this week I noticed my One-A-Day VitaCraves-- basically Gummi bear vitamins for adult people-- are serving size... two.
The marketing contraditions of taking two One-A-Days daily required another newspapery whack to the nose just to bring me back from GrammarNannyVille.
And last-- because you all already can see the sick life a compulsive copy editor leads...
You know the ads for the Capital One Venture Card with the band of medieval ruffians getting into trouble on the slopes?
Well, in one scene, these Vikings-on-holiday purchase tickets for themselves and beloved livestock for the ski lift.
"Two adults and one goat, please?" Olaf the Impulsive asks.And every time I hear this, the annoying Brainy Smurf in my head pipes up:
"You know, it would have been so much funnier if they'd said 'kid' instead of 'goat'.
"Like two adults and one child... only it's a baby goat which is also called a 'kid'?
"It's a pun, you see, and so..."
And that's when my inner Brainy Smurf gets tossed on his head. No one likes a Grammar Nanny.
Tell me- is there anything you go compulsive on whether you like it or not?
