Cat Alarm Operational Instructions

Congratulations on your purchase of this finely crafted Cat Alarm, (10 pound, shorthaired white van model). We hope you will enjoy its exquisite functionality and streamlined style.

Your Cat Alarm will go off each day-- no need to set it; it is entirely self-setting.

Upon going off, the alarm will subsequently need to recharge using meat-based Kibble(tm) charging dock. (Sold separately)

You may expect your Cat Alarm to operate according to the following preset phases, assuring a timely wakeup each day, possibly several hours before you even need to rise:

  1. Gentle purring motor and Nuzzle(tm) motion 
  2. Level two Headbutt(tm) technology 
  3. Runaway locomotive racing action 
  4. Close proximity "purr blast" capabilities 
  5. Snuggle on-head wake-up features 
  6. Single claw to the cranium final phase mode 

We hope you and your handcrafted Cat Alarm will enjoy many years of efficient wake-up calls.

10 comments:

Junk Drawer Kathy said...

Love the "purr blast" capabilities! Although I'm sorry, you probably didn't want to post this so early. I'm guessing your alarms are working in perfect order, sadly.

Jenn Thorson said...

Yes, unfortunately they are flawless. ;)

Apologies on the formatting on the post. I did it though my IPhone and apparently Blogger won't recognize my carriage returns. I'll have to fix it later.

Thoryke said...

Our Himalayan model Cat Alarm came with the Amazing Armpit Shiatsu setting. Very effective!

June O'Hara said...

Level 2 headbutt technology...love it. I laughed through the whole post. And I'm once again reminded of my old cat, Tuesday, who liked to run track on my face when I was asleep.

Thanks for the chuckle!

Genie said...

The twelve pound calico model also has the "sandpaper tongue lick" mode and the "lightly nip the ball of your nose" mode.

Jenn Thorson said...

I would imagine so. I hear waterbottle apps help correct overperforming Armpit Shiatsu features.

Jenn Thorson said...

"Run track" is the perfect description, too!

Jenn Thorson said...

Oh yes, variations may appear by model and version.

Babs-beetle said...

The final phase of my cat alarm was a single claw to the nose! That always worked!

Jenn Thorson said...

Babs- Ouch! Ah, that single claw is a kitty-wide tactic. I did not know.