Giving Thanks, Cabbages-Style

Above: Every bored toddler should be playing with razor-sharp axes for the holidays, right? (?!)

Well, it's that time of year, folks! Time to stop and think about what makes us thankful. So at Cabbages, I've put together a very special list of the things that I've been grateful for in the past year which are 100% unrelated to things like turkeys, family, or parades where giant Snoopys stomp Manhattan like beagle-shaped Godzillas. Perhaps you might even join me in a few of them!

  • I'm thankful Lindsay Lohan is finally getting the help she needs. Again.
  • I'm thankful I didn't have a large beverage before seeing the new Harry Potter, as I was not forced to recreate the bladder-busting "crumbling Roman aquaduct in rainy season" concerns of that time I went to see Gladiator with a jumbo Diet Coke.
  • I'm thankful actress Betty White is too busy implementing her plan for later-life World Domination in order to make another sequel to Lake Placid.
  • I am thankful for Twitter, because writing pithy messages in 140 character increments has unleashed my secret desire to write existential philosophy for tea-bag envelopes.
  • I'm thankful my two kittens nuzzle me awake before the annoying sound of my alarm goes off. Less thankful they do this at three o'clock in the morning. (They will be receiving wristwatches for Christmas.)
  • I am thankful for blog spam because I have learned amusing new phrases like: "I need to encourage you how yearn a heyday" and invitations like: "...And so entertain stomach with us." I've decided to entertain stomach throughout the Thanksgiving holiday. Thanks, Spammers-- Pass the stuffing! 
  •  I'm thankful for Facebook quizzes like "How Mentally Unstable are You?" or "If You Were a Dried Legume, Which One Would You Be?" So I know who to stay clear of, should I see these people in real life.
  • I'm thankful for those cha-cha-ing, ever-pooping Charmin bears commercials as it makes me wistfully nostalgic for the days of squeeze-obsessed spokesman, Mr. Whipple.
  • I am thankful for the beauty and versatility of sarcasm, for without it, we would likely not be where we are here today.
Happy Thanksgiving to my American readers! (I am additionally thankful that you stopped by-- no sarcasm involved.)

18 comments:

Lili said...

I'm grateful your kittens decided to like each other!

Jenn Thorson said...

Lili- Ah, Lili, I am grateful for that myself! There is much kitten merriment afoot. (Mostly under MY feet, but hey, them's is kittens. :) )

Unfinished Rambler said...

We also are thankful you are still blogging, even if it is only once a week.

As for your "thankful" list, I also miss Mr. Whipple (tear).

Sue said...

Ahhh...... the FaceBook quizzes. I'm thankful I found out my soul is blue.
Happy Thanksgiving Jenn!

Jenn Thorson said...

Unfinished Rambler- And I'M thankful you are still thankful. :) (Yeah, Mr. Whipple really needs a clone made from his DNA because those bears are getting on my nerves, with their toilet paper pieces stuck to their butts.)

Sue- I think there may be a poem there in your blue soul, Sue. :) Hopefully it won't be blue for the holidays... Unless, y'know, it being blue is actually a good thing.

Tricia said...

I'm thankful for being led to your blog! *Love* it...

Linda Medrano said...

I'm thankful that Charmin still makes toilet paper. But I hate those friggin bears.

Jenn Thorson said...

Tricia- Aw, THANK you!

Linda- Okay, so that makes +2 so far for toilet paper, and a -2 for the bears. :)

ReformingGeek said...

Long live sarcasm!

All Hail Blog Spam!

What's life without cats?

Happy Thanksgiving to you, too!

Melanie said...

I'm thankful for Cabbage. :)

I miss Mr. Whipple.

Not sure how I ever lived my life without facebook quizzes. I mean a girl really needs to know that if she were an object in nature she'd be "a rock"

Jenn Thorson said...

Reforming Geek- 10 points for the Thanksgiving enthusiasm. Hope you have a terrific holiday!

Melanie- Awwwwww! PS- I thought you'd be a tulip.

nothingprofound said...

Jenn-I'm thankful for people like you who find so much humor in this daily madness we call life.

*Hmmm, existential philosophy for tea bag envelopes-sounds right up my alley!*

Jenn Thorson said...

NP- Now you mention it, I think you need to contact some tea manufacturers... You may have a lucrative side-career. Try the "Yogi" brand! :)

Robert Crane said...

among many other things i'm thankful for bristol palin's last dance, macintosh apples, and reading glasses.

have a great one!!!

Jenn Thorson said...

Bob- Somehow I think the whole Bristol Palin thing won't be over. It's a 15 minutes of fame that has WAY over-extended its bounds.

Da Old Man said...

I'm thankful I'm home after nearly a year and a half and can watch the Charmin bears on a big screen TV. :)

By the way, don't you think we need a font for sarcasm?

Nick said...

I've been in the US for many years now and am quite acclimatized to the odd collection of casseroles and dishes that appear on a typical US Thanksgiving Day lunch table. But the first few years were quite a shock: OMG, Jello salad? You put green beans.....in a casserole? Why does my gravy look like wallpaper paste? Don't ask me about the turkey dressing, I didn't know they came clothed. And what the heck is a bloody yam, anyway?

Jenn Thorson said...

Da Old Man- Well, now I can add you being back home to my list of thankful things! YAY!

Nick- Oh yes, the casseroles can be just amazingly scary. If you ever get a chance to see the casseroles in cookbooks from the 1930s-50s, you won't believe your eyes-- terrifying! Today's green beans and the Jello-salads are just the tip of the iceberg, believe me.

And a yam is like (snicker!) a rutabega. You're welcome. :)