Somewhere Over the Giant Eagle Supermarket Salad Bar

It was a gray day. My coworkers were gray. My supervisors, gray. My clients were well into charcoal gray. My joy of life-- gray with a touch of blue. I paused in the middle of my workday to sing a song about how somewhere, over the optical illusion of the spectrum presented when sunlight refracts through moisture in the Earth's atmosphere, Sialia Currucoides flew.

My coworkers-- the unappreciative gray wretches-- hollered for me to "shaddyap already." So any therapy from the singing vanished.

And then, I dropped into the Giant Eagle supermarket to get some lunch, like always. A part of a gray routine. And as I stepped through into the Prepared Foods area, suddenly....

The sun shone through the building rafters (okay, that was just brighter overhead lighting, but still...)

And color appeared before my eyes in a zillion vibrant MGM Technicolor shades.

A small terrier ran to my feet-- how the heck did he get into the store, is that sanitary?-- and yellow floor tiles had sprung up. And from behind stacked boxes of fruit punch and souvenir Steelers' merchandise, very short employees stepped out to share, in song, their enthusiastic affiliations with various Food Guilds...

And that's when I saw it:

The Giant Eagle folks had installed an all-new salad bar!

Oh, it was beautiful... Magical! Wonderful! (Yes, I do need to get out more. I do, I do, I do, I do!)

But instead of dipping into semi-frozen vats in the dark forest of mystery veg, now, under the new golden lights, we could actually see whether we were getting pickled beets or spiced apples.

And a whole rainbow bounty awaited! Bright red tomatoes, deep orange carrots, Greek salads, fresh fruit, and different kinds of lettuces and-- sugar snap peas! Me, the queen of French fries and gravy, got excited about sugar snap peas. Then I spied the chilled asparagus and-- oh, I just had to try some of that, too.

My heart soared! In pulling together a conveniently-located to-go box without having to trudge back and forth in an unnatural flow, I poured out my joy of fresh food and user-friendly organizational structure into an impromptu musical number:

"Boxes here... lettuce there....
And a couple of tra-la-lars!
That's how we dine the day away
With the merry new salad bar!"

But then-- a booming voice over the PA system shouted: "You there, in Aisle One! Who goes there?"

I looked around, frightened. Me?

I called out, "Why, I'm a lowly office employee, sir, insignificant and meek-- looking for an artichoke heart, a little brain food, and some cabbage. Just to tide me over until I can get home, of course."

The voice echoed, "Well, will you PLEASE. STOP. SINGING?! It seems to be interfering with the UPC scanning system."

"Oh," I muttered. "Sorry."

Still, I can't wait to go back there today. The sequel's never quite as good as the original, mind you. But the scallions and 'taters and pears-- oh my!

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