Jaromir Jagr and the Game Face


The Pittsburgh Penguins are doing well in the Stanley Cup finals, and finally beat the Rangers in the series this weekend. There, they'd faced former Penguins star and over-all moody bloke, Jaromir Jagr. I hadn't seen Jagr for a while (I'd always been a Ron Francis gal, myself), so when local news did an interview with Jags, I was a little surprised at the new look he was sporting.

I mean, I know the playoffs tend to set off some interesting superstions. Like eating 50 pounds of meat before a game.... Not washing a "lucky" pair of socks.... Chanting something in Czech forty thousand times...

But for Jagr, it seems he's exchanged his famous mullet for a decent haircut, and then added, er... this....


This facial... er... goatee-oriented...


Um.... Hitler mustache chin stripe combo... thing.


So okay, normally, I abstain from the kind of humor where someone is made fun of unmercifully. Someone who isn't, you know, me. Because that brand of humor is cheap and easy, and not cool really, and it's certainly not like I'm Ms. Perfect or anything...

I mean, in the 80s, my hair had its own zipcode.

But really-- Jagr... Jags... sweetie... what were ya thinking?


On the interview, I can't even tell you what he said. Why? Because I was too busy looking at this expression of hairy line art.

And as I'd just written a few weeks ago about what would happen if a presidential candidate tried to campaign with a Hitler mustache, Jagr's appearance just seemed timely.

So, I ask you, what do you think brought on this new look?

Did he think the Pens would just let him cruise through unscathed because he was channeling his inner dictator?

Did he think Sidney Crosby would back off because once Hitler shows up, the tanks are sure to follow?

And what about the "soul patch" with a little extra soul that extends beyond his chin like a tiny hairy diving board?

Why is it perfectly centered with the mustache?

Is it an example of goatee OCD?

Needless to say, I've been entirely useless during any sports interview that's come on featuring Mr. Jagr. I'm eating dinner and I stop in mid-bite, unable to look away. It's mesmerizing.

I admit to having a similar problem with toupees.

Anyway, I open it up to you all. Is this some totally cool look that I'm too much of a nerd to truly appreciate? Should I rush right out and find me a guy sporting this fine Hitler-Shaggy style while the getting is good?

Mr. Blackwell-- your opinion, please.

---------------------------------------------------------------

You know, they laugh at Hitler moustaches over at Humor-blogs.

14 comments:

SSB said...

Too bad looks like he could be cute if he hadn't superglued someone's hair to his chin.

markstoneman said...

I didn't see the Hitler thing because of the goatee. Looks to me like he's trying to turn his face into the bottom of a hockey skate, with his upper lip and chin serving as the blade.

Jenn Thorson said...

Shirley-- maybe that's where part of his mullet went!

Mark- you may have a point there-- I'd like to think he was at least trying for some sort of metaphor.

Alice said...

I'm with you on this. Anytime I see a guy with little tufts of hair, I just wanna grab my razor.

timethief said...

We all want to look good don't we? I see very unappealing smudges. So I wonder what he sees when he looks in the mirror. I'm with you and the others, I see a need for hair removal.

Jenn Thorson said...

Alice- I don't normally care one way or the other (big Johnny Depp fan, and who knows what kind of hair thing Johnny's gonna have going on at any given moment) but this was really... unique. An attention grabber, for sure.

Timethief- you're right-- it would sort of be interesting to know what he sees when he looks in the mirror. I guess he's thinking, "Hello, handsome!" :)

Greg said...

It certainly is a unique look. I'm down with the soul patch, but I've never seen it extend right down off the chin like that...and never in perfect alignment with a 'stache. Perhaps they held him down in the locker room and just shaved the two sides as some sort of pranky thing...you know how the sportsters can be...

Meanwhile, I confess to grooving a little on the Shaggy Hitler thing, though the image of Scooby trying to goose step while shouting "Reil Raggy" is a bit much and stops me cold.

Jenn Thorson said...

Greg- it really does seem to push some of the limits in facial hair gravity and dynamics, I must say.

Perhaps you're right, perhaps it was a bit of a locker-room prank.

Or a dare.

"Shaggy Hitler" would be a good band name, I think. I can picture it on t-shirts.

chyna said...

I got it!!! Snot usually runs in a straight line so perhaps this is his idea of a snot catcher. :)

Jenn Thorson said...

Chyna- G-AH! I think it's getting worse!! (Of course, being on the cold ice like he is, it could come in handy.... running away now to scrub the image from my brain...)

krautball said...

Well, you guys just don't get it! It's Jaromir Hitlr, team captain of the New York Rangers. They used to call these "team captains" either "Kapitän" or "SpielFÜHRER" in Germany, at least until the mid-seventies (somewhere the term "SpielFÜHRER" got lost, much to the chagrin of Helmut Kohl). And being from the bordering Czech Republic, Jaromir may just have taken that old German term a tad too seriously...
BTW: I heard some rumors that the Rangers will sport new jersey colors next season, provided Jaromir re-signs with the team. They shall be henceforth known as "Broadway Brownshirts"...

Jenn Thorson said...

Krautball- I do thank you for visiting and for contributing that insightful historical look at Jaromir's recent facial self-expression. I think we've all learned a lot here today.

I will certainly keep an ear to the ground for the latest news on the potential change in Rangers' uniform. I would imagine Jagr might make some small changes to the sort of salute he does when he scores, as well. :)

paul said...

Great stuff.
I just found your blog and love it.
Look forward to reading more.

Jenn Thorson said...

Hey, thanks, Paul. I appreciate you stopping by!