So they tell me I met Uncle Fester.
Dad said it so casually over the Thanksgiving holiday, it was as if bald, sunken-eyed Addams' who power lightbulbs by popping 'em in the ol' kisser were discussed on just everyone's turkey-centric holiday...
Right between the Macy's Day Parade and the first college bowl kickoff.
I don't even know how the subject came up anymore. All I recall is the Pop saying, "Well, you know, you met Uncle Fester." In the same matter-of-fact tone he might have told me, "You know, your shoe is untied..."
Or "You know, you really need to cut back on the caffeine..."
Or "You know, you have a giant monster zit exploding on your forehead."
But no. It was: "You know, you met Uncle Fester."
And it seemed to me that this was a memory I really should have retained. An Uncle Fester Meet-n-Greet should have been one very big day in Kiddom.
I mean, I loved "The Addams Family" of the 60s. Dry, dark humor.... A big old Gothic Victorian house... A disembodied hand that did its own errands?...
What wasn't to like?
But I scanned the noggin for traces of shaking hands with a pasty, cowl-wearing Goth Kojak, and for the life of me, not a peanut butter-smeared, Play-Doh-encrusted memory lurked in my mental attic.
I recalled meeting Wonder Woman once at Jamesway. A very taped-together Wonder Woman, sloppy and sagging, who was so not the Lynda Carter who I spent a good seven years of my life wanting to be. Mainly, because I thought it would be cool to spin around really fast, and cause an explosion that involved a wardrobe change.
It would have been a handy trick to have, particularly in the school gym locker room.
I remembered meeting Spiderman at the Rockaway Sales Indoor Flea Market. A very authentic Spiderman who I had a crush on at the time, anyway, because Peter Parker was both funny and a bit dishy. And superheroes up until that time had no discernible sense of humor to speak of. (I mean, Clark Kent, honestly-- what a stiff! And Batman, so sulky...) So it wasn't really any surprise that Spiderman was a fond reminiscence...
Even at age six, I was going for the quirky guy.
I also recalled meeting a couple of Apes, from Planet Of The. I was a little disappointed at the time that one of them wasn't Roddy McDowall, because he was about the only actor I really knew other than Burgess Meredith. And because this was the late 70s, Roddy McDowall was pretty much in everything.
I felt he should have won lots of Oscars. Largely because, to my kid-brain, there was absolutely no one else in Hollywood of his artistic caliber... and certainly not one willing to wear a monkey head.
But Fester. I'd forgotten Fester! The mind boggled. How could it possibly be?
"Well," said the Pop finally, "he didn't look like Fester. He had hair. He was living in New Jersey."
(As if living in New Jersey and being bald were mutually-exclusive. Tell that to Tony Soprano.)
But then I remembered! Or at least if I didn't actually remember, my brain made up vague convincing recollections on the spot to fill in the missing Festerocity of it all.
I think it was a Two Guys Department Store. I envisioned a small stage, and this guy with some hair and normal colored skin, aged and paunchy, being introduced to the crowd. "Jackie Coogan" was the name. A name that meant nothing to a wee kid like me, as it didn't leap from the Addams Family opening credits.
This was Fester. I recall him being a bit curt, a little cold, and I don't recall actually speaking to him, or having anything signed. I recall leaving shortly thereafter... no bald heads... no lightbulbs lit... no goofy jokes... no sword fights.
It was disillusioning. No wonder it didn't spring to mind instantly. But, ya know, overcoming those little disappointments are an important part of Kiddom.
And hey-- a dull, unfriendly Fester is still better than a Wonder Woman with plastic bullet-proof bracelets and visible bra straps, any day.
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So tell me, folks-- what famous faces have you gotten to meet, and was it all you'd hoped? And how does your kid-memory stack up to big events these days?
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