A leaking Jell-O mold wrapped in pretty paper... Sweatshirts bedazzled with love and giant furry decals of cross-eyed kittens... Dollar store Precious Moments knockoffs tied with happy bows...When it comes to family, gifting can be... an interesting experience. So, I thought it might be helpful-- well-before the whole holiday season pressure hit-- to offer up a few tips to keep in mind when selecting that special something for those you love.
These nifty little hints have been hand-picked based on real-and-for-true moments experienced either first-hand by yours truly, or by those near and dear to me. Because, you know, you really just can't make this sort of stuff up.
Oh-- and if you have a gifting trauma-- er, story-- of your own? By all means, feel free to give us your worst. Of Cabbages and Kings is about nothing if not sharing and learning and growing. (And limiting the amount of anthropomorphic pig figurines one needs to dust each week.)
Okay, here goes:
- If your feet have been inside the Christmas socks, reconsider giving that particular pair as a gift...
- If you are unable to resist sharing this specific set of footwear, do not tell the recipient how much your big sweaty feet-- and those of your spouse-- enjoyed testing them out. (Most people really do prefer a lack of toe-jam over quality control.)
- 8-year-old boys are not inclined to get excited about shaving kilts.
- Giving someone a book they'll love is nice...
- Reading the book first and then presenting it, along with an hour-long lecture on its contents (complete with marked notations)? Not so much.
- When someone thanks you for a gift, try not to respond by saying, "Well, what was I going to do with it?"
- When gifting, do not tell the recipient that the gift was chosen because you would receive two FREE items that were far better than the gift itself...
- ...And then share how you squirreled those free items away for "emergency gifts."
- Desk blotters with calendars are more effective when the calendar is for the upcoming year.
- Everyone in the family is unlikely to want a copy of Tom Brokaw's biography, even if the bulk discount is tempting.
- If you don't know what the item is yourself, chances are, it may not be a clever gift idea.
- Always remember to remove the $0.50 sticker prior to wrapping.
- Writing someone a poem, as a gift, is thoughtful...
- Unless it's a five-page epic and you recite it...
- Twice...
- And then spend the next half hour elaborating on the lines that make it so gosh-darned brilliant...
- Just to make sure the recipient didn't miss the good parts.
- Reindeer typically have two antlers and two ears. If holiday reindeer earrings have just one ear and antler apiece, they are probably broken --and can't be spun to be "Christmas unicorns."
- Just because someone owns cats, doesn't mean they will get equal pleasure from a day-glo pink "I HEART my cat" t-shirt.
- A cake-mix and permission to use the stove isn't quite the same as an EasyBake Oven.
So, all right, folks-- those are the ones I could come up with! Now let's hear your reasons it's better to give than receive...
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A vote for Of Cabbages and Kings at Humor-blogs is better than a one-horned reindeer earring any day. Or drop down the chimney at Humorbloggers because, you know, it's so early they'll NEVER expect it.
