Life's all about learnin'. So today, my reader friends, I thought I'd share some observations and a little homespun advice on some topics near-and-dear to my heart...Or, at least, exploding in my coat pocket this last week.
Yesseree, it's a pot luck o' miscellany, here at Cabbages today, so tuck yer napkin in yer collar, 'n dig in!
- Barbecue sauce packets tucked in the pocket of a suede jacket for later home use = ticking time bomb.
- Just because a distance looks "right around the corner" on a map, does not make it "a short, pleasant walk." Remember, bloody stumps are never fashionable no matter how cute your shoes are.
- At any fast food restaurant, if there are two, normally-standard items you do not wish to have on your food, ask to remove only the one you'd have to scrape off. The Law of Fast Food Averages states you have a 90% chance of avoiding one item, but only a 10% chance of avoiding both.
- Optimism is seeing the glass half-full. Pessimism is seeing the glass half-empty. But you're never disappointed if you're just grateful for the glass.
- Suntan and the world embraces you. Burn and peel, and you might as well wear a sign that reads "Leper for Rent."
- Backless shoes and speed are mutually-exclusive.
- You can tell whether Brad Pitt's character in any movie has gone mad by his facial hair. Insane = beard. Not insane = no beard.
- Never expect an errant shrubbery to go down without a fight. Wear goggles.
- He who laughs last... probably didn't make a joke quite as funny as he thought it was.
- Pedestrians' walking speed reduces by half the moment they are jaywalking directly in front of your stopped car.
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