Alice's Adventures in Vampireland

Well, I knew the whole True Blood/Twilight thing had millions of fans by the jugular, and that lately these days even Jane Austen heroines were taking a page from the Zombie Defense Guide... 

But I had no idea that this trend toward horror revisionism had seized my friend, author Lewis Carroll, in its pale and bony grip. UNTIL I bought a set of festive Alice-in-Wonderland-themed drinking glasses.


Through The Drinking Glass and What Jenn Found There...
Each glass features drawings of little Alice and her Wonderland colleagues, along with swirling literary quotes. Cute, right?

But it was only upon closer inspection I realized that the Tea Party Patriots might not be the only tea-drinkers calling for blood these days...
Here you can see Alice fleeing the Mad Tea Party realizing that the Earl Grey she'd been enjoying was actually a Vlad the Impaler Pekoe...

A little spicy, filled with nutrients, and just a hint of lemon!

The Hatter, too, seems to be imbibing of the human life fluids...
Not exactly what you expect to see in dinnerware unless you worked for American McGee.

Now you might say, "Jenn, you giant doofus! What you're looking at is a cheap four-color printing process and the manufacturers just didn't want the added cost of making the tea brown."

Ah, but think how this puts a whole new spin on the Red Queen! And the Queen of Hearts-- how literally do we want to go with that? I mean, no wonder she was so big on mass decapitation-- I hear the same went for ol' Vladdy-boy back in the Transylvania homeland.

She wasn't cranky, she was just following a fine old Eastern European tradition.

This also explains why Wonderland is located underground. None of that pesky sunshine interrupting a hot croquet game with the players exploding into ash every few minutes.

Of course, there will have to be a sequel. 

Though Through the Looking Glass might be tricky for a lead character who can't actually see her reflection.

Marketers'll have to revisit that one.

7 comments:

Lili said...

And now I'm going to be stuck with

"Oh Vlady Boy
The bats, the bats are flapping
From eave to cave
And down the mountainside.
The sun has set, and you'll be out a-roving.
You're out for blood
And so I'll have to hide.

I'll keep a cross, and quite a lot of garlic.
I wish that Alice, she had done the same
But now she's yours
And mighty keen on biting,
And so this Cheshire Cat must swiftly fade away."

playing in my head all day. Thanks _ever_ so much!

Jenn Thorson said...

Lili- I do believe I should be thanking YOU... :)

I find myself smiling like the aforementioned Cat. :)

Ian C - My Twist News said...

Mr Charles L Dodgeson was indeed a noteworthy writer. A foremost author of political satire, an astute student of the sciences and also an overwhelmingly accurate prognosticator. http://www.mytwistnews.com/2010/09/origin-of-tea-party.html identifies one of his peeks into the future, just as your post highlights his vision of the vampire trend.
Thank you so much for sharing your insight.

Jaffer said...

Any chance those glasses were made in Pakistan ?
It must be so hot underground that could be having some cool and sugary Rooh Afza

Heheh - I am laughing myself silly just writing this comment

Deray said...

I hate that people are destroying classics like that. You want to write about vampires/zombies/etc? be original for crying out loud! You know, make them fall in love with an underage girl, make them sparkle in the sun, make them not like brains, whatever but don't plagiarize!

Jenn Thorson said...

Ian- Thanks for the link, I'll have to check it out.

Jaffer- Somehow though, the Mad Rooh Afza Party ends up sounding delicious but a bit wordy. :)

Deray- You've reminded me of the folks in my creative writing classes in college who would get all bent out of shape because they felt an Elf for some other mythic character was wrong in a story because it didn't follow the particular gaming criteria they knew from, say, D&D. :) "A third-level elf would NEVER do that!" :)

ReformingGeek said...

You've let the secret out, Jenn. They will be calling for your blood.

Hee Hee.