Of Cabbages and Kings

I apologize that I've been so e-silent here on the blog lately. In trying to get my one novel wrapped up for publication in September, and working on its follow-up, I do not have my bloggy mojo lately.

Bloggy mojo has been stolen. Possibly by the creature in the video that I'll share with you today.

Harry, you see, is a dog. No, no, I know what you are going to say-- there is this sort of Catness about him. But you're wrong. Appearances are deceiving. I tell you, he follows me around. He tries to bury things. And he plays Fetch... At least until his A.D.D. kicks in and he gets distracted...

I think he may have stolen my bloggy mojo. And that is unfortunate, because he probably buried it in his litter box where he put my tube of lipstick that time.

Unfortunate.

Question for today to my fellow bloggers: have you ever felt like your bloggy mojo was stolen, and what did you do about it?

"Steakyjak." That was the fake name some apparently carnivorous spambot sent me, as it auto-applied for membership in a forum I used to admin.

Recently, I've been getting one notice like this every hour, and a few in-between, sort of like the chimes of Big Ben but without all that fun, historic bonging.

Steakyjak was but a single metaphorical bong. And the name found me singing Spinal Tap's song to a slightly different set of lyrics:

"You're a spammy one, Steakyjak... You're a scammy one, Steakyjak."

I deleted this message, but the spamminators soon offered me a new registrant:

"Runnyamothnot."

Oh, I know-- I can't believe I didn't think it was a real person, either.

Weren't there Runnyamothnots living on The Cape last season? Didn't Mrs. Runnyamothnot teach eighth grade English? Don't we see the runnyamothnots migrate along the Amazon river basin each year, bullying the local capybara and starting shoving matches with spider monkey gangs?

So since I haven't been able to figure out how to get the system to stop sending me automated messages, I've decided to channel these great spam usernames into something entertaining and useful...

The Spam Username Dictionary. And YOU all might enjoy playing along. These are just a few of the names I've seen in the past week, and some possible definitions for them. Of course, I am happy to take alternate suggestions from your creative brains!

Unfantis: (un-FAN-tis) The baby prince who has absolutely no chance of ever wearing the crown unless he goes completely Lucretia Borgia on his whole family. "If the Brady Bunch were royalty, Cindy would be the true unfantis, but Jan would buy the poison."

Apeenody: (Uh-PEE-nod-dee) Parental approval-- often overly enthusiastic due to too many years of diapers-- for a successful potty training session. "Little Timmy was so proud because he achieved apeenody for not wetting his Pull-ups."

AMubsmoumb: (MUBS-moob) That mole you aren't sure if it's more raised than it was before or whether it's changed color or not. "How can you tell if a mumbsmoub has changed color or not when, in paranoia, you keep poking it?"

Loffwrodovo: (Lof-roe-DOE-voe) The act of finding your own writing so funny you laugh at it even when no one else does. "The lengthy loffwrodovo in the middle of her presentation left the audience less than impressed."

Duatomunny: (DOO-uh-TOE-mun-nee) Advice people give you whether you want it or not. It is a synonym for the phrase "putting in your two cents worth." "Her mother in law's duatomunny covered everything from what laundry detergent to buy to how to properly iron her husband's underwear."

Bloolifog: (BLOO-luh-fog) Mist that takes on an eerie color that makes you worry just a little you will start hearing music composed by John Carpenter. "The bloolifog swept in so quickly, she refused to answer the sudden knock at the door."

Ignomowcow: (IG-no-MOE-cow) A bovine who lacks the innate knowledge other cows seem to have about returning to the barn on time. "The cows had all come home, but that ignomowcow, Bessie, stood in the far pasture under a rising moon by herself.

Kandinaf: (KAN-din-aff) The relentless need for a piece of chocolate or other sweet after dinner, especially when you're on a diet. "Though she only had a light dinner, the kandinaf was so strong, Mary devoured a whole box of truffles."

Treabstrott: (TREEB-strot) Insulting term for the person who purposefully does a bad job on a project he doesn't like, so it gets passed to someone else. "Matt was such a treabstrott, he not only managed to get out of the job he was hired to do, he somehow got promoted to an even higher position."

Flooderbob: (FLUD-der-bob) The items in your basement that take on a boatlike quality when you get too much rain at once. "I knew we had a lot of rain, but I never expected to see my stored Tupperware go all flooderbob around the basement rec room." This could alternately be the awkward footage you take of a butterfly or other fast-moving object. "I tried to hold the camera still, but my Youtube video is still flooderbob."

Well, that's all I have for today. But I could still use some help defining: